Alternative Coronation Street

 Eileen felt that she had reached a crossroads on Coronation Street.  "I've had enough of this place," she said.  "I've not done much over the last quarter of  a century but I've been in a lot of storylines. Most of the time I've been a glorified landlady.  I've lost count of the number of waifs and stragglers who've stayed here a while.  I've had men friends too - who hasn't? I'm not a saint. But they've all been doomed to failure," Eileen stopped talking for a few seconds.  "So, will you be able to send a taxi to take me to Lancaster Road?" Eileen swapped the handset to her other hand and ear.  "Yes we can get you a taxi.  But before I take the details let me just finish.  I moved here in 2000 with Todd and Jason, my two sons.  Todd was ruined by that Gail's horrible daughter Sarah Lou.  She turned him gay, I'm sure of it.  Sarah got her grip on my Jason but he saw through her.  Her mother - Gail - is ...

 Fizz was feeling down. A bit stressed.  One thing that she couldn't cope with today was other people. Today it was best just to avoid other people.  She wasn't angry with them - she was just not in a mood where she could tolerate other people's annoyances.   Sadly for her - and perhaps to the dismay of those she met - this was not to be a day where she was able to avoid many people, as her secret diary reveals. Fizzs Secret Dairy Vollume 25 - May 2025 Tyrone It began with Tyrone asking me where his socks was.  Where do you think, I asked him. Upstairs in the sock drawer? He replied back to me. Yes. I replied back to him.  Upstairs in the sock drawer. So why are you looking in the fridge? Jack used to say Vera kept her tights in the fridge.  And I thought maybe you did an all and maybes youd put my socks in there too. It was my own fault.  I didnt need too ask but you cant' help yourself can you.  Why would Vera keep her tights in the fr...

 Preamble To boost ratings, the producer has decided that the action, tension, dialogue and storylines should all be taken up two notches so that viewers are kept in a heightened state of awareness during the broadcasts.  A new American director has been given the chance to direct one episode to see if audience numbers rise. Scene 1: The Rovers Return Jenny screams. Scene 2: Ken's house Ken jumped up out of his chair.  "What was that goddam awful noise Steve?" Steve tried to get out of his seat but struggled a bit until Ken gave him a hand.  Once on his feet, he walked over towards the wall the house shared with the Rovers.  "It was a chilling scream, Ken. And I think it came from the Rovers." Scene 3: The Kabin Brian was filling the liquorice all-sorts jar.  He liked to do this by hand as it allowed him to put all the sweets that people liked around the edges of the jar, and the ones people disliked in the middle.  This way when customers saw his swee...

 Izzy, Kirk and Brian decided to hire a boat.  They were on the beach at Blackpool, enjoying a picnic when Izzy took a notion to go sailing. "I can drive a boat," said Kirk.  "I know all of the words to Sailing  by Rod Stewart." "That doesn't qualify you to sail a boat," replied Brian.  "But I was a school teacher in front of a class of 30-odd teenagers so I know best how to cope with the highs and lows of a rough journey." "I can operate a sewing machine," chirped in Izzy. "But that's not relevant either.  Let's just do it.  It's not as if there's a dreadful storm brewing which is going to drag us thousands of miles away, and wreck us on a deserted island.  Let's do this!" The adventurous threesome set sail. Twelve hours later... "What happened?" asked Kirk. "There was a dreadful storm and we were dragged thousands of miles and wrecked on a deserted island," explain Brian. "Aye...

  Shuttleworth's Undertakers For all your funereal requirements Free Wi-Fi inside Special offer: Buy two funerals and get one free! Burials, cremations, disposals, disappearances all catered Prices from £695 "We should really have a bigger choice of coffins.  Peaceful Planters  have at least a dozen styles," said Todd. "We have four big sellers - pine, chipboard, hessian-sack and oak lookalike.  Something for everyone's budget," replied George. "Something for everyone's budget yes.  But not something for every taste.  Take Kirk for example. He'd be happy with chipboard. Kevin would suit an oak lookalike for obvious reasons. Pine will be fine for Jenny I'm sure. And I'm certain that the horrible new Lou would suit a hessian-sack.  But what about environmentalists like Roy or Nina? I'm pretty sure they don't want hessian or cheap wood.  We should offer wicker baskets. A Viking boat funeral.  Indian pyres.  We need to get this busin...

 1. Explain the meaning of community. Kirk:   Well community is like a chest. You get them in Monopoly. Daniel: Community, derived from the Latin meaning a society or a relationship system.  Related words are common and communion. Thus, for me a community is a grouping of people who are linked by something that they possess in common, whether through location, social class, work or some other agent that pulls, or binds, them together. Gemma: Me mam's had community service a lot.  She had to pick up litter and drain the canal.  One time she was gardening for old people but she kept nicking their vegetables and so got sent down for three months.  Community service is meant as an alternative to jail but for her, it led to jail. It's not fair really. Mary: Community refers to the wonderful people with whom one shares this street.  They are all so special, though some are more special than others.  When I was a travelling person, I moved from town...

 "Bless me father for I have sinned," said Nick. "We don't actually do that kind of thing," responded Billy the Vicar. "But please feel free to talk to me." "It is 30 years since my last confession.  As a teenager, Granny Tilsley insisted I went to confession every week." "That's £4.90 please," said Dev.  Nick handed a fiver over. "I'm not sure where to begin." Nick was genuinely confused. "10p change," said Dev. He placed a 5p in Nick's hand, hoping that Nick wouldn't notice. "I ran away with Leanne and got married when I was 17," he carried on, pocketing the 5p, not noticing that Dev had diddled him out of money.  Dev did a high five with an imaginary friend.  He was making his way to a million pounds 5p at a time. "A frozen curry for one and a litre bottle of vodka please Dev.  Why don't you focus on the last few years Nick?  I haven't been in Coronation Street long enoug...