Alternative Coronation Street

"Y ou can't just rearrange the items on the shelves," explained the supermarket worker. Rita wasn't convinced. "I was in retail before you were born, laddie. Now move out of my way. I want bread next to vodka, and vodka next to flans." The security guard came along. "Trouble here?" It was Emily Bishop. Rita was taken by surprise. "I'm taken by surprise," she said. "Emily Bishop working in a supermarket." "Yes, I'm afraid my pension doesn't go as far as it used to. And then I developed a scratch card habit." "Oh Emily, that's terrible. Mind, I developed a taste for the vodka in my old age." "Well, let's be honest. You've had more than just a taste for it for the last 50 years."

Elaine, Yasmin and Cathy.  Weatherfield's very own Golden Girls. Elaine.  The one with the past, the one who had known men. Many many man. Yasmin.  The one with the overbearing husband, now deceased. Interested in community education. Cathy. The naive, innocent and foolish one.  The one who collected pizza boxes. Rita. Yasmin's mother.  Old, wise, witty and full of tales of old. --- "Picture it.  The Kabin. Early 1970s.  Daily Express 3p, packet of salt and vinegar 2p.  In walks Ken and Len." "Back in St Austell, we had twins called Ken and Len. They were in the same class as me at school," said Cathy. "Did they go to the local newsagent together?" asked Rita. "No, don't be silly. They'd eat the newspapers." Cathy laughed at Rita's daft question. "I know I'm going to regret asking," said Elaine, "but why did they eat newspapers?" "Goats will eat anything," replied Cathy. "So, Len and Ken ...

 Rita went into the Kabin, though she couldn't remember if she still worked there or not.  She tidied up the pile of Weatherfield Gazettes on the counter, and the headline caught her eye. "Weatherfield man murdered. Police hunting leader of sadistic gang."        A man known only as Seb with the weird man bun died in hospital yesterday after being attacked by a gang as he walked along the canal with his girlfriend.        The couple had been out walking in an attempt to find inspiration so that Seb could write a speech for his mother's wedding.  It is thought that they took a short cut through an industrial estate so that the couple could find a quiet spot in which to share an intimacy before returning home.        Nina, Seb's girlfriend told our reporter: "I can't remember who did it or what happened.  We were celebrating that fact that we were about to move in with each other, to share our lives together t...