Rita reminisces

Elaine, Yasmin and Cathy.  Weatherfield's very own Golden Girls.

Elaine.  The one with the past, the one who had known men. Many many man.

Yasmin.  The one with the overbearing husband, now deceased. Interested in community education.

Cathy. The naive, innocent and foolish one.  The one who collected pizza boxes.

Rita. Yasmin's mother.  Old, wise, witty and full of tales of old.

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"Picture it.  The Kabin. Early 1970s.  Daily Express 3p, packet of salt and vinegar 2p.  In walks Ken and Len."

"Back in St Austell, we had twins called Ken and Len. They were in the same class as me at school," said Cathy.

"Did they go to the local newsagent together?" asked Rita.

"No, don't be silly. They'd eat the newspapers." Cathy laughed at Rita's daft question.

"I know I'm going to regret asking," said Elaine, "but why did they eat newspapers?"

"Goats will eat anything," replied Cathy.

"So, Len and Ken were goats?  And you went to school with them?"

"Yes.  But only on Mondays and Tuesdays."

"I'm going to hate myself, but why only on Mondays and Tuesdays?"

"Because Rover, Clover and Dover went on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays," explained Cathy.

Elaine had come so far, and it was too late to back out now.  "Rover, Clover and Dover. Were they dogs?"

Cathy laughed.  "How silly.  Who ever heard of dogs going to school?  They were the Elliot Triplets, St Austell's most respected vet and butcher shop owner.

"Who owned the vet's? And who was the butcher?"

"They all owned the shop.  One business, three sons.  Two counters inside.  One for the vet and one for the butchery department. Ken and Len hated Rover, Clover and Dover. For obvious reasons."

"This is my story," snarled Rita. "Button it Bozo.  So, in walked Ken and Len.  Ken was handsome and intellectual but Len was rugged and forward.  It was love at first sight.  Len and I were made for each other, and he promised me that we'd be married as soon as he finished paying back the money he owed the mob."

"Ma, daddy did not own the mob money.  You're making it up." This was Yasmin, the sensible one.

"Sorry pussycat.  It wasn't the mob.  It was the local building supply company, but you got to add some colour to these stories to keep your audience with you."

"Such a romantic story,  Rita," said Elaine.  "And how long was it before you got married?"

"Just a month later.  Turned out I was knocked up and in those days, that meant you had to get married. No other way.  And then 7 months later, along  came Yasmin."

"Surely you mean 8 months later.  One month after meeting to the wedding, then 8 months till Yasmin was born?" Elaine knew about these things.

"Normally, yes  but Yasmin had such enormous ears, I had to be induced early in case she got stuck.  Another day or two and she would've been wedged in there for ever," explained Rita, matter-of-factly.

Everyone looked at Yasmin, who immediately had a flashback to Geoff staring at her and called her 'Dumbo'.

"Back in St Austell, we had a nun who was pregnant for fifteen years," said Cathy.

"Shut up Cathy" said the other three in unison.