The Rovers Return
Mary: I often wonder what you see in me Brian.
Brian: Mary, Mary, Mary. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou are more lovely and more temperate.
Mary: But Brian, I very much fear that my summer is fading fast.
Brian: In truth, you're probably at the stage of the first frost of autumn.
Mary: And yet do not the apples hang lustily from my boughs, waiting to be picked, to be pulped, to be fermented and turned into the sweetest cider?
Brian: I like a good cider.
Mary: I used to like cider. I would drink it with friends after school. It made us very naughty and we played the most silly games of dare. Once, my friends dared me to steal a policeman's helmet.
Brian: And did you?
Mary: Of course. I got mother to help me. She entered the police station to report me missing, and insisted that she had murdered me. This meant that she had to be interviewed, and during the interview mother pretended to have a psychotic episode, during which time she picked the policeman's helmet up off the table, and laid it over her left breast, inside her merino wool jumper.
Brian: Was it hand knitted?
Mary: No of course not. It was just an ordinary policeman's helmet.
Brian: I meant your mother's merino jumper. Was it hand knitted?
Mary: Yes it was. By yours truly. In order to get my Brownies Badge for Knitting, I needed to knit a wearable item for an important adult in your life. I only had mother and Aunt Henry.
Brian: Ah, Aunt Henry. Is that the one that you scored off the wedding list?
Mary: Yes, he and I have never got on since that time he tried to seduce you.
Brian: And would have succeeded if it hadn't been for you-know-what.
Mary: Yes. Thank goodness he was allergic to sunflowers.
Brian: I often think that if I were a flower, I'd be a sunflower. Tall, masculine, assertive and capable of producing so many seeds.
Mary: I think of you as a pansy. Bright, colourful, hardy, and producing an abundance of flowers,
Brian: And you, Mary, you remind me a of gladiolus, pretty, bright and something of Dame Edna about you.
Mary: I have a confession to make Brian.
Brian: Oh yes? Confess away Mary.
Mary: Nick Tilsley flirted with me yesterday. And I did not stop him from doing so.
Brian: He did, did he? I shall have words with him.
Mary: Words Brian? Not actions?
Brian: Just words. Words are all I have Mary. I am no longer a man of action.
Mary: You can get drugs for that sort of thing nowadays. Mother advised me when I came of age that with a face like mine, I should always carry some.
Brian: Oh yes? Confess away Mary.
Mary: Nick Tilsley flirted with me yesterday. And I did not stop him from doing so.
Brian: He did, did he? I shall have words with him.
Mary: Words Brian? Not actions?
Brian: Just words. Words are all I have Mary. I am no longer a man of action.
Mary: You can get drugs for that sort of thing nowadays. Mother advised me when I came of age that with a face like mine, I should always carry some.
Brian: Carry what?
Mary: It doesn't matter. It's a hard thing to explain.
Brian: I had that problem a lot when I was teaching. I couldn't...
Mary: You couldn't....
Brian: I couldn't get through to some of the kids at all. Some things are hard to explain. Dramatic irony for example...
Mary: I loved drama at school. I once auditioned for Maria in the Sound of Music. (Sings) The hills are alive, with the sound of music...
Brian: You do have the look of Julie Andrews
Mary: Thank you Brian. It has been said before. Alas, I was pipped at the post for the star role by Geraldine Brannigan who just happened to be the niece of the headmistress.
Brian: Nepotism at its worst.
Mary: My life changed after that day. It was my first taste of disappointment, and for the first time in my life I knew that life was not all flowers and chocolates.
Brian: Disillusion and dejection.
Mary: L'histoire de ma vie. I have often been rejected ever since. When Nick Tilsley flirted with me yesterday, I... I tried to take him up on his offer. I said 'Nicholas, you can have me as soon as I've had my sticky toffee pudding.' And he replied 'Sticky toffee pudding's off.'
Mary: It doesn't matter. It's a hard thing to explain.
Brian: I had that problem a lot when I was teaching. I couldn't...
Mary: You couldn't....
Brian: I couldn't get through to some of the kids at all. Some things are hard to explain. Dramatic irony for example...
Mary: I loved drama at school. I once auditioned for Maria in the Sound of Music. (Sings) The hills are alive, with the sound of music...
Brian: You do have the look of Julie Andrews
Mary: Thank you Brian. It has been said before. Alas, I was pipped at the post for the star role by Geraldine Brannigan who just happened to be the niece of the headmistress.
Brian: Nepotism at its worst.
Mary: My life changed after that day. It was my first taste of disappointment, and for the first time in my life I knew that life was not all flowers and chocolates.
Brian: Disillusion and dejection.
Mary: L'histoire de ma vie. I have often been rejected ever since. When Nick Tilsley flirted with me yesterday, I... I tried to take him up on his offer. I said 'Nicholas, you can have me as soon as I've had my sticky toffee pudding.' And he replied 'Sticky toffee pudding's off.'
Brian: I have sticky toffee pudding in the freezer. Perhaps you could come around for supper one night. A light salad followed by sticky toffee pudding.
Mary: With custard?
Brian: I'll do my best, but I am getting on a bit.
Mary: You are. I've always been attracted to older men. Ken, Norris, Dev, Steve, David Tennant...
Brian: You fancied David Tennant?
Mary: It went much further than fancying him Brian. We stepped out together for a few years.
Brian: I had no idea.
Mary: That's what he said in court when he went for the restraining order. He said he had no idea that we were engaged. He said I was living in a fantasy world. I asked him to explain the balloon flight, the after shave, the cheese and wine home party kit, the mix tapes, the underwear. He said he often got cheap gifts from fans but his assistant gave them away for charity. I was furious. That balloon flight cost me £200, and now I know why he didn't show up. His assistant was jealous.
Mary: With custard?
Brian: I'll do my best, but I am getting on a bit.
Mary: You are. I've always been attracted to older men. Ken, Norris, Dev, Steve, David Tennant...
Brian: You fancied David Tennant?
Mary: It went much further than fancying him Brian. We stepped out together for a few years.
Brian: I had no idea.
Mary: That's what he said in court when he went for the restraining order. He said he had no idea that we were engaged. He said I was living in a fantasy world. I asked him to explain the balloon flight, the after shave, the cheese and wine home party kit, the mix tapes, the underwear. He said he often got cheap gifts from fans but his assistant gave them away for charity. I was furious. That balloon flight cost me £200, and now I know why he didn't show up. His assistant was jealous.
Brian: He was my favourite Dr Who.
Mary: I liked Matt Smith. So tall, so slender, so innocent.
Brian: Like a new born lamb - innocent and cute.
Mary: I'm innocent Brian.
Brian: I know you didn't do it.
Mary: I've never done it.
Brian: You mean.....
Mary: I mean that when I auditioned for the Virgin Mary, I didn't have to act.
Brian: I was a donkey once.
Mary: I'm sure you were a very good donkey. I'm sure you had all of the necessary assets.
Brian: I've always had slightly pointed ears. And I can be very obstinate when I need to be. That was always handy in schools when parents came in to complain. Tracey Barlow came in to a parents' night once, and was mouthing off about the standard of teaching in my school.
Mary: Please do remember that Tracey is my employer. She's good to me.
Brian: Good to you? Does she pay you well?
Mary £7.12 per hour for most hours. Not before 10am or after 4 of course because we don't get many customers at those times. But she is so kind to me and never makes fun of me at all.
Brian: The minimum wage is higher than that Mary. In the Kabin we pay the minimum wage and all of the toffees you can eat up to a maximum of 12 a day.
Mary: Twelve a day. A dozen a day. A dozen red roses. Toffees. It's all connected.
Brian: Synchronicity Mary. The universe is working towards a bigger plan than we can know.
Mary: Yes. Our guardian angels are guiding us towards our destiny. I just feel mine used to be a taxi driver in his old life as he's taking me the long way round.
Brian: One of Street Cars drivers did that to me the other day. I wanted to get from the Trafford Centre to ITV studios. It's only about 3.5 miles. He charged me £30. I said no way. I think he thought I was a foreign tourist.
Mary: You do have the dark broody looks Brian. Like an Italian or Greek patriarch. Strong, powerful and without mercy. Well fed.
Brian: Yes. You are right of course. I am strong.
Mary: Not physically strong, but ruthless. Now Tyrone, there's a strong man. Often when I dream, he appears in trunks like an American wrestler. He comes into the flower shop to buy a single red rose for his concubine. I ask him if he wants it wrapped in paper or cellophane and he says that he doesn't want either. He takes the rose from me and tucks it inside his trunks with the head sticking out over the waist band.
Brian: Like a new born lamb - innocent and cute.
Mary: I'm innocent Brian.
Brian: I know you didn't do it.
Mary: I've never done it.
Brian: You mean.....
Mary: I mean that when I auditioned for the Virgin Mary, I didn't have to act.
Brian: I was a donkey once.
Mary: I'm sure you were a very good donkey. I'm sure you had all of the necessary assets.
Brian: I've always had slightly pointed ears. And I can be very obstinate when I need to be. That was always handy in schools when parents came in to complain. Tracey Barlow came in to a parents' night once, and was mouthing off about the standard of teaching in my school.
Mary: Please do remember that Tracey is my employer. She's good to me.
Brian: Good to you? Does she pay you well?
Mary £7.12 per hour for most hours. Not before 10am or after 4 of course because we don't get many customers at those times. But she is so kind to me and never makes fun of me at all.
Brian: The minimum wage is higher than that Mary. In the Kabin we pay the minimum wage and all of the toffees you can eat up to a maximum of 12 a day.
Mary: Twelve a day. A dozen a day. A dozen red roses. Toffees. It's all connected.
Brian: Synchronicity Mary. The universe is working towards a bigger plan than we can know.
Mary: Yes. Our guardian angels are guiding us towards our destiny. I just feel mine used to be a taxi driver in his old life as he's taking me the long way round.
Brian: One of Street Cars drivers did that to me the other day. I wanted to get from the Trafford Centre to ITV studios. It's only about 3.5 miles. He charged me £30. I said no way. I think he thought I was a foreign tourist.
Mary: You do have the dark broody looks Brian. Like an Italian or Greek patriarch. Strong, powerful and without mercy. Well fed.
Brian: Yes. You are right of course. I am strong.
Mary: Not physically strong, but ruthless. Now Tyrone, there's a strong man. Often when I dream, he appears in trunks like an American wrestler. He comes into the flower shop to buy a single red rose for his concubine. I ask him if he wants it wrapped in paper or cellophane and he says that he doesn't want either. He takes the rose from me and tucks it inside his trunks with the head sticking out over the waist band.
Brian: That's a very vivid dream Mary. Do you have it often?
Mary: I used to have the dream every Tuesday if I had fish pie for tea. But Tyrone stopped coming into the flower shop a few weeks ago when I forgot to remove the thorns from the rose. He shrieked like a school girl and there was blood everywhere. He hasn't been back ever since. Now, in my dream, I stand there hoping for Tyrone but only Chesney appears. Or Daniel. And neither of them would ever make an American wrestler. I'm even thinking about giving up fish pie.
Mary: I used to have the dream every Tuesday if I had fish pie for tea. But Tyrone stopped coming into the flower shop a few weeks ago when I forgot to remove the thorns from the rose. He shrieked like a school girl and there was blood everywhere. He hasn't been back ever since. Now, in my dream, I stand there hoping for Tyrone but only Chesney appears. Or Daniel. And neither of them would ever make an American wrestler. I'm even thinking about giving up fish pie.
Brian: When you come around for supper, I'll make sure that we don't have fish pie. Perhaps I can make toad in the hole. A good old fashioned British dish.
Mary: Like Kevin Webster.
Brian: A fine mechanic if ever there was one. He mended my car recently. The brakes were needing new pads, and he popped off the old ones and popped on new ones, and did it all for a very reasonable price indeed.
Mary: A fascinating story Brian.
Brian: Not as grand as your stories of when you were young Mary, though I must tell you that as a young man I was also someone who did outrageous things. When I was younger, mother always made me wear my mittens on a string tied together through my arms. Well one day I pulled the left mitten all the way up the arm and down my right arm so I ended up with both mittens free of my jacket. I suddenly found myself with my mittens on protecting my hands connected by a longish piece of string which allowed me to do all sorts of crazy things like skip wearing my mittens, swing through trees like Tarzan, ensnare girls, catch wild animals that escaped from the zoo and rescue an old lady who had an attack of vertigo at the top of the helter-skelter and couldn't get down. And I was able to re-attach my mittens through my jacket before I got home and mother was none the wiser. I had one of my migraines that night, probably caused by too much excitement but I knew that no other 15 year old boy was as proud of himself that day as I was.
Mary: I once dated a boy from the carnival. His name was Coolio the Carnie Kid. I think his real name was Colin. I met him waiting for mother who was reading the crystal ball in her caravan. Puella Ballafitzquengo Tells Your Future, that was her motto, and I'd sit out back and make various ghost noises at appropriate times. One night Coolio approached me, sat on my knee and said 'Put your hand up my back and make me speak.' I did as he said and he recited the whole alphabet while I drank a gottle of geer.
Brian: Did you see him again?
Mary: Yes. I saw him every night until it was time for the carnival to move on.
Brian: How did it end?
Mary: He gave me a farewell kiss but I got a splinter in my lip and I had to explain to mother how I got it. She chopped him up and use him as firewood. She told me that boys always get girls into trouble and I was lucky it was just a splinter.
Brian: How wise. So your mother has psychic powers. Have you inherited the same powers?
Mary: I don't use a crystal ball. I speak to dead people.
Brian: A fine mechanic if ever there was one. He mended my car recently. The brakes were needing new pads, and he popped off the old ones and popped on new ones, and did it all for a very reasonable price indeed.
Mary: A fascinating story Brian.
Brian: Not as grand as your stories of when you were young Mary, though I must tell you that as a young man I was also someone who did outrageous things. When I was younger, mother always made me wear my mittens on a string tied together through my arms. Well one day I pulled the left mitten all the way up the arm and down my right arm so I ended up with both mittens free of my jacket. I suddenly found myself with my mittens on protecting my hands connected by a longish piece of string which allowed me to do all sorts of crazy things like skip wearing my mittens, swing through trees like Tarzan, ensnare girls, catch wild animals that escaped from the zoo and rescue an old lady who had an attack of vertigo at the top of the helter-skelter and couldn't get down. And I was able to re-attach my mittens through my jacket before I got home and mother was none the wiser. I had one of my migraines that night, probably caused by too much excitement but I knew that no other 15 year old boy was as proud of himself that day as I was.
Mary: I once dated a boy from the carnival. His name was Coolio the Carnie Kid. I think his real name was Colin. I met him waiting for mother who was reading the crystal ball in her caravan. Puella Ballafitzquengo Tells Your Future, that was her motto, and I'd sit out back and make various ghost noises at appropriate times. One night Coolio approached me, sat on my knee and said 'Put your hand up my back and make me speak.' I did as he said and he recited the whole alphabet while I drank a gottle of geer.
Brian: Did you see him again?
Mary: Yes. I saw him every night until it was time for the carnival to move on.
Brian: How did it end?
Mary: He gave me a farewell kiss but I got a splinter in my lip and I had to explain to mother how I got it. She chopped him up and use him as firewood. She told me that boys always get girls into trouble and I was lucky it was just a splinter.
Brian: How wise. So your mother has psychic powers. Have you inherited the same powers?
Mary: I don't use a crystal ball. I speak to dead people.
Norris: That's true, she does.
Hayley: Aye, she keeps us up to date with what's going on.
Brian: I just heard Norris and Hayley.
Mary: Ah dear Norris. I do miss him.
Brian: A fine newsagent if ever there was one.
Mary: Second only to you Brian. No one measures out dolly mixtures the way you do.
Brian: PC Tinker is a big fan of dolly mixtures you know.
Mary: I'm not at all surprised. He has that homely look about him.
Brian: And Maria, she likes allsorts.
Mary: Yes she does. I often worry she might steal you from me Brian. She's not fussy.
Brian: Don't worry. It won't happen.
Mary: But the most unlikely things tend to happen around here. Look at Ken and Cassie, or Tracy and Tommy Orpington. Or the whole saga involving David, Harvey, Matt, Daisy, Kit, Daniel and Andy, and Max burning the house down, and getting jailed (after not long walking from jail when he had been accused of murdering Joel), David planning his own hit and run, then Daisy losing the baby.
Hayley: Aye, she keeps us up to date with what's going on.
Brian: I just heard Norris and Hayley.
Mary: Ah dear Norris. I do miss him.
Brian: A fine newsagent if ever there was one.
Mary: Second only to you Brian. No one measures out dolly mixtures the way you do.
Brian: PC Tinker is a big fan of dolly mixtures you know.
Mary: I'm not at all surprised. He has that homely look about him.
Brian: And Maria, she likes allsorts.
Mary: Yes she does. I often worry she might steal you from me Brian. She's not fussy.
Brian: Don't worry. It won't happen.
Mary: But the most unlikely things tend to happen around here. Look at Ken and Cassie, or Tracy and Tommy Orpington. Or the whole saga involving David, Harvey, Matt, Daisy, Kit, Daniel and Andy, and Max burning the house down, and getting jailed (after not long walking from jail when he had been accused of murdering Joel), David planning his own hit and run, then Daisy losing the baby.
Brian: A busy few years for sure.
Mary: That all happened over a couple of months. So mad, so crazy. Police and hospitals every episode for weeks on end.
Brian: I'm not sure I trust our new policeman.
Mary: I'm the same. On Tuesday, I asked him if he had the time. 'No chance,' he replied.
Brian: He looks as if he'd bend the law to suit himself. I'm not sure he is honest.
Mary: Honest as a doorpost.
Brian: (Confused) Yes.
Mary: When is a door not a door?
Brian: I don't know.
Mary: When your only way out of a man's flat is through a window because his partner just got back.
Brian: Are you talking from experience?
Mary: I've said too much. I promised I'd never tell you. Ah damn, I've just dropped a clue.
Brian: A clue? What clue?
Mary Ah damn I've done it again.
Brian: I really am in the dark here.
Mary: Och Brian. It was a braw bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht it happened. The clue's are all there. I've set the bar low.
Brian: You don't mean..
Mary: Yes I do. I'd seen a sign in the window of his office. "Need a Barrister? Start here." I thought I do fancy a coffee, so in I went.
Brian: Are you confusing your barrister with a barista?
Mary: No. Don't jump to conclusions. I entered and he said 'Och hullo Mary, sit doon! Wid ye like a coffee?' I said yes please and he made me a delightful latte. He said he was training to be a barista as a little side line to the lawyer thing.
Brian: He isn't a barrister though. He's just a solicitor.
Mary: He isn't a barrister yet, but he can get you a barrister if you need one. And while you wait, he can get you a latte or an Americano or any of his other specialities.
Brian: A man of many talents for sure.
Mary: Oh Yes he is. And I came to experience his talents when he asked me to stay to try his cappuccino, moccachino, freddo, espresso and frappe followed by a simple flat white and cigarette afterwards. I was so high on caffeine, that I was flapping about like a newly hatched chicken.
Brian: I didn't know you smoked Mary.
Mary: That all happened over a couple of months. So mad, so crazy. Police and hospitals every episode for weeks on end.
Brian: I'm not sure I trust our new policeman.
Mary: I'm the same. On Tuesday, I asked him if he had the time. 'No chance,' he replied.
Brian: He looks as if he'd bend the law to suit himself. I'm not sure he is honest.
Mary: Honest as a doorpost.
Brian: (Confused) Yes.
Mary: When is a door not a door?
Brian: I don't know.
Mary: When your only way out of a man's flat is through a window because his partner just got back.
Brian: Are you talking from experience?
Mary: I've said too much. I promised I'd never tell you. Ah damn, I've just dropped a clue.
Brian: A clue? What clue?
Mary Ah damn I've done it again.
Brian: I really am in the dark here.
Mary: Och Brian. It was a braw bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht it happened. The clue's are all there. I've set the bar low.
Brian: You don't mean..
Mary: Yes I do. I'd seen a sign in the window of his office. "Need a Barrister? Start here." I thought I do fancy a coffee, so in I went.
Brian: Are you confusing your barrister with a barista?
Mary: No. Don't jump to conclusions. I entered and he said 'Och hullo Mary, sit doon! Wid ye like a coffee?' I said yes please and he made me a delightful latte. He said he was training to be a barista as a little side line to the lawyer thing.
Brian: He isn't a barrister though. He's just a solicitor.
Mary: He isn't a barrister yet, but he can get you a barrister if you need one. And while you wait, he can get you a latte or an Americano or any of his other specialities.
Brian: A man of many talents for sure.
Mary: Oh Yes he is. And I came to experience his talents when he asked me to stay to try his cappuccino, moccachino, freddo, espresso and frappe followed by a simple flat white and cigarette afterwards. I was so high on caffeine, that I was flapping about like a newly hatched chicken.
Brian: I didn't know you smoked Mary.
Mary: Only on very special occasions. So, I was flapping about when we heard the downstairs door open. We looked around for a hiding space but our eyes both alighted on the window. Ever the gentleman, he held it open while I jumped. I landed on top of Dev so fortunately none of my bones were broken.
Brian: Was Dev all right?
Mary: Is he ever?
Brian: He's a little eccentric for sure. He was singing to his vegetable display when I went in for milk the other day.
Mary: I sing to the flowers every day in Preston's Petals. It encourages them to bloom more brightly. I expect Dev is trying to encourage his vegetables to be crisp and fresh.
Brian: Another day, he was polishing all of the coins in his till.
Mary: He does maintain high standards of hygiene.
Brian: As do I in The Kabin. No one handles my allsorts without me knowing about it.
Mary: I love a nice liquorice allsort man.
Brian: I have an allsorts fancy dress costume. Perhaps I could wear it one evening and we could...
Mary: Perhaps. I could wear my Little Beau Peep costume.
Brian: I suspected you might have had one Mary, Mary Quite Contrary
Mary: Thereby hangs a tale. Mother did buy me a Mary Mary costume, and I wore it to school one day. It was the day of my A Level Latin.
Brian: Amo, Amas, Amat...
Mary: Is he ever?
Brian: He's a little eccentric for sure. He was singing to his vegetable display when I went in for milk the other day.
Mary: I sing to the flowers every day in Preston's Petals. It encourages them to bloom more brightly. I expect Dev is trying to encourage his vegetables to be crisp and fresh.
Brian: Another day, he was polishing all of the coins in his till.
Mary: He does maintain high standards of hygiene.
Brian: As do I in The Kabin. No one handles my allsorts without me knowing about it.
Mary: I love a nice liquorice allsort man.
Brian: I have an allsorts fancy dress costume. Perhaps I could wear it one evening and we could...
Mary: Perhaps. I could wear my Little Beau Peep costume.
Brian: I suspected you might have had one Mary, Mary Quite Contrary
Mary: Thereby hangs a tale. Mother did buy me a Mary Mary costume, and I wore it to school one day. It was the day of my A Level Latin.
Brian: Amo, Amas, Amat...
Mary: Amamus, amatis, amant. So there I was just about to go into the exam looking so pretty in my Mary Mary costume when Red Riding Hood, standing chatting to her friend Gloria Transit, shouted 'Well well if it isn't Miss Contrary herself. How does your garden grow? I hear you've got a big bush that is out of control.' I was furious for I kept my garden immaculate, with silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row. Well you've seen it Brian. After all these years, it's still maintained perfectly.
Brian: You are fastidious Mary.
Mary: I went into my exam in a bad mood. Truth is I felt a bit sick thinking about Gloria Transit and Red Riding Hood. I felt as if mother's work in making my fine costume was being mocked and I felt sorry for her. I lost concentration, and I struggled with my interpretation exercise. I drew a Roman legionnaire's sandal in the margin of answer booklet. I've always been fascinated by sandals as you know Brian. Carpe diem, I told myself. Ex nihilo nihil fit. Seize the day. Nothing comes from nothing. I left the exam hall and hunted down Red Riding Hood. She was on her way to see her grandmother with a basket full of delicious provisions bought from Dev's. I could smell the food in her basket and I was hungry both for food and for revenge. I rushed to her grandmother's cottage in the woods, cunningly disguising myself as lupus, a wolf, as I did so. This was my modus operandi.
Brian: Mary. Are you mixing up fairy tales with real life again? Remember what happened when you broke into Sally and Tim's place thinking they were the three bears? Tim got ever such a fright when he came home and found you asleep in his bed. And Sally wasn't best pleased that you'd eaten all of the porridge either.
Mary: Oh yes, yes you are correct. I'm getting confused again. It's living here that does it. I'm surrounded by so many extreme storylines, police cases, people going to jail, people being rushed to hospital, murders and arson that I'm finding it hard to work out what's fact and what's fiction. I was just saying to the old lady who lives in the shoe that I wasn't even sure where I stayed any longer.
Brian: That old lady is Rita and she doesn't live in a shoe Mary. She lives above the Kabin.
Mary: Of course. I must try to remember. Ah here's come Maria.
Brian: Well at least there's no chance of getting her mixed up with Snow White.
Brian: You are fastidious Mary.
Mary: I went into my exam in a bad mood. Truth is I felt a bit sick thinking about Gloria Transit and Red Riding Hood. I felt as if mother's work in making my fine costume was being mocked and I felt sorry for her. I lost concentration, and I struggled with my interpretation exercise. I drew a Roman legionnaire's sandal in the margin of answer booklet. I've always been fascinated by sandals as you know Brian. Carpe diem, I told myself. Ex nihilo nihil fit. Seize the day. Nothing comes from nothing. I left the exam hall and hunted down Red Riding Hood. She was on her way to see her grandmother with a basket full of delicious provisions bought from Dev's. I could smell the food in her basket and I was hungry both for food and for revenge. I rushed to her grandmother's cottage in the woods, cunningly disguising myself as lupus, a wolf, as I did so. This was my modus operandi.
Brian: Mary. Are you mixing up fairy tales with real life again? Remember what happened when you broke into Sally and Tim's place thinking they were the three bears? Tim got ever such a fright when he came home and found you asleep in his bed. And Sally wasn't best pleased that you'd eaten all of the porridge either.
Mary: Oh yes, yes you are correct. I'm getting confused again. It's living here that does it. I'm surrounded by so many extreme storylines, police cases, people going to jail, people being rushed to hospital, murders and arson that I'm finding it hard to work out what's fact and what's fiction. I was just saying to the old lady who lives in the shoe that I wasn't even sure where I stayed any longer.
Brian: That old lady is Rita and she doesn't live in a shoe Mary. She lives above the Kabin.
Mary: Of course. I must try to remember. Ah here's come Maria.
Brian: Well at least there's no chance of getting her mixed up with Snow White.
Mary: Another drink?
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