Rita went into the Kabin, though she couldn't remember if she still worked there or not. She tidied up the pile of Weatherfield Gazettes on the counter, and the headline caught her eye.
"Weatherfield man murdered. Police hunting leader of sadistic gang."
A man known only as Seb with the weird man bun died in hospital yesterday after being attacked by a gang as he walked along the canal with his girlfriend.
The couple had been out walking in an attempt to find inspiration so that Seb could write a speech for his mother's wedding. It is thought that they took a short cut through an industrial estate so that the couple could find a quiet spot in which to share an intimacy before returning home.
Nina, Seb's girlfriend told our reporter: "I can't remember who did it or what happened. We were celebrating that fact that we were about to move in with each other, to share our lives together today and ever more. Alas, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a desire to establish an abode with a woman in Coronation Street must be in want of life. Seb is now indeed in want of a life."
An eye witness, who would give her name only as Kelly claimed that she had "seen nuffin and it wasn't me. But what I did see if I'd saw anything was a figure dressed in a cape, possibly either a woman or maybe a man, kicking him in the body, head, legs and all over. But I wasn't there and I didn't see it."
PC Craig Tinker, Weatherfield's police officer, said that the force (i.e. he alone) was searching for the culprits, believed to be a local gang, possibly headed by an older ringleader.
Anyone with information is asked to tell someone else in the street, who will relay the information to another and so on until it eventually reaches the ears of the police. On no account should anyone with information contact the police directly.
Rita was shocked, though not surprised. "I've lived in this street for 50 years, and I've seen it all. Suicides, fires, tram crashes, blackmail, burglarly, murder and mysterious potholes. I've seen innocent people convicted and guilty people walk free."
The customer to whom RIta addressed these remarks nodded her head sagely and said, "but do you have any smaller envelopes?"
"Bottom shelf, next to the toy cars love. Mavis, put kettle on will you?"
Brian appeared and gently reminded RIta that Mavis had left 25 years before.
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