Simon turned around and left. There were too many people at the chippie, and he decided that he would be safer back home. He didn't know who wanted to meet him and he couldn't take the chance of being spotted by so many people. And the tall ginger bloke looked like Harry. He didn't want to have to listen to Harry going on about press intrusion, separate pathways, baby clothes, mental health and how oppressive life was inside the royal family.
Sharon waited, hoping that Simon would turn up. Ronnie left, Hyrone left and she stood outside for an hour, waiting for Simon.
Simon, though, had taken the tram back to his safe house.
"Sam gets it," she decided. She saw the little boy walking along the street. She rushed over.
"Har har har, hi Sam. Are you going to see Grandma Gail? She's not in."
"Grandma Gail told me not to talk to strange women. Look what happened to Uncle David."
"But I'm no stranger sweetheart. I was once friends with your grandma. We used to go to discos together and borrow each other's clothes. Come walk with me past that white van yonder. It will be safe. I will not kidnap you."
They walked towards the van, and a freak gust of wind blew Sharon into it. She was holding Sam's hand and he was dragged with her. He, being smaller, was propelled to the back of the van. Sharon jumped up, exited the door and slammed the doors shut. Sheer good luck was finally on her side.
---
Hyrone froze, his nose pointing to the white van parked across the round.
"I am devoting my life to fighting crime and bad behaviour," he reminded Fizzgan. "And I smell crime afoot."
Fizzgan was singing a song to Archiehope, trying to get the child off to sleep:
"Don't you ever, don't you ever
Start being dandy, acting like Unc William
Don't you ever, don't you ever
Start being boring, just like Auntie Katie
Archiehope
Archiehope
Ridicule is nothing to be scared of
Me and daddy, we get laughed at
Cause we're normal, though both of us are handsome."
Hyrone stood in his pointer dog pose, ginger hair on the back of his neck on edge.
"Go investigate," said Fizzgan, and he ran out of the door and over to the van.
---
Shona wasn't much interested in where Sam was. Natasha was going on a bit. So what if he was missing? She was young enough to have another.
"Phone the filth," said Shona.
"Aye, aye I will." And she did. Craig would be around in 10 minutes.
---
Hyrone was rooted to the road behind the van. He stood erect and unmoving like a drugs dog who has just sniffed out a massive find.
"What are you doing, Hyrone, love, har har?"
"I sense evil," replied Hyrone. "Open this van. There's something wrong here."
The driver panicked and was prepared to run Hyrone over. Sharon couldn't risk it and so she opened the van doors. Hyrone looked inside and saw a bundle of rags in one corner, and a telescope in another.
"I trust that you have proof of ownership of that piece," said Hyrone.
"No, I haven't," replied the van driver.
"I knew that evil was happening here. Sort out the paperwork and I shall be home."
If only he had looked under the bundle of rags.
---
Sam slept under those rags. He was dreaming. He dreamt that Neil Armstrong was cycling through France, with Sam being towed along in a little trailer behind him. He was eating ice cream and the crowd were shouting "Nous adorons la lune et les enfants anglais."
"And I admire the way in which regular verbs in French are conjugated," replied Sam magnanimously.
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