Nick decided that he had to rush from the Nick Cave back to Coronation Street to try to find Sam.
"I'm going to look for Sam outside and I may be some time," he said bravely.
"Goodbye Nick. May we meet again, if not here, then in the eternal life hereafter," replied Leanne.
Both realised that they had acquired 1940s style British war film accents.
"Well toodle pip, old thing. Keep your chin up. For England's sake," Nick said.
"Farewell, God speed. It is a far, far better thing that you do, than you have ever done," said Leanne with a stiff upper lip. Inside she was crying.
---
Nick arrived on Coronation Street, and tapped on Gail's door. He was dressed as a coalman so as not to draw attention to himself.
"Sack of coal for the bath," he said when David opened the door.
"I wish they hadn't hired that southern scriptwriter. We don't keep coal in't bath," sighed David.
Nick entered, and laid the sack of coal down on the sofa. Shona took one look at Nick and fled upstairs. Nick had that effect on people.
"I've come to find Sam," declared Nick. "I will not let him die."
---
Sam had found a wind-up radio in the back of the van. He was listening to Radio 4 and eating a large pack of crisps that he found in his pocket. The driver heard The Archers' theme tune and the sound of crisps crunching. He decided to investigate.
"Who are you?" asked the driver when he opened the van doors.
"Sam and I am 10. I was born with a full set of 32 adult teeth. My mother once ate a whole lettuce before going to bed and she urinated in bed that night for the first time as an adult. I joined Mensa when I was 3 years old. I left it late because of the travel to the nearest Mensa Chapter. I didn't learn to ride a bicycle until I was 3. My father is a successful business man and one day I intend to buy over his business and take it over and conquer the world with under garments. I have been in this van for 18 hours 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I like potato crisps."
"What are you doing here?"
"I have been kidnapped by a person or persons unknown. I read the book Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson who was a Scottish author, born in Edinburgh. I want to be an astronomer or a baker when I grow up."
The driver wearied of this onslaught of information and slammed the doors shut again.
Sam carried on wittering.
---
The Police bang the door.
"Open this door in the name of the law."
David did.
"He's alive."
"He's alive," repeated David to Nick
"He's alive," said Nick to Shona.
Shone phoned Gail. "He's alive," she explained to her mother-in-law.
Gail immediately texted Nick. "He's alive," she wrote.
Nick replied, texting: "I know."
Natasha said, "What's happening?"
Everyone present said, "He's alive."
The police officer offered her a lift to the hospital, where the poor little Sam was being held.
---
"So I've decided to become a football fan, and probably an international player too," he told the nurse. "My father, Nick, he once ran away to marry Lianne, his sort of wife, but his mother didn't know about it and when they came home, they lived with Ashley before he died in a tram crash. Trams are a form of lightweight mass transit for use in industrialised cities where workers require to commute to work, often from the suburbs. However, in Coronation Street, most people live a few metres from their workplace so that the travel time from abode to workplace can be measured in footsteps rather than in minutes. I expect you will need to keep me in overnight for observations as I have been 24 hours without liquids, and I was both disoriented, confused and talking nonsense when you came upon me, wrapped up inside an old blanket dumped in reception."
"Yes," said the doctor, who had just come on duty byt who looked like he had just done a 16 hour shift, having been forced to examine Sam. " We'd normally keep you overnight but we've all decided that the sooner you go home the better."
---
Nick rushed in. "Sam, my son!"
"Dad, my dad!"
"You're alive!"
"I am alive."
---
Nick left the hospital after Sam's discharge papers and banning order were signed. He suddenly realised that he had no car with him, and so jumped into a taxi.
"Have you just been in the hospital?" asked the driver.
"Yeah. My son. He's alive."
"I'm your driver today. My name is Barbara Dixon. How far do you want to go?"
"Coronation Street please driver. Your voice is very deep for a lady."
Nick glanced at the taxi badge registration document. It did say 'Barbara Dixon,' but the picture was of a small and delicate, feminine woman, not unlike Beth Sutherland. And she didn't have a ginger beard like this lady.
"I'm no stranger to hospitals. I've been under the knife a lot, getting bits cut off and bits sewn on. It's hard work being trans, but it'll be worth the pain in the end. Now then Nick, you've been naughty haven't you?"
"How do you know my name?"
"I know you, Leanne, Simon, Sam, David, Gail yer mam and I've known your grandmother in the biblical sense."
"Granny Ivy?"
"Hardly. Granny Audrey."
"Oh yeah, of course."
"So tell Leanne to get down t'cop shop and changer her statement or else one of them dies Nick."
"But, aren't you a real taxi driver?"
"No, she is," said Barbara pointing to a black bin bag on the floor. "I've just borrowed her taxi to warn you off."
Nick opened the bin bag. The real Barbara unfolded out of the bag. She smiled a relieved-how-can-I-pay-you sort of smile.
Nick turned to the driver. The driver - he, she, it? - had gone.
"Now then me duck. I'll take you down to Coronation Street. I've a sister lives down that way, name of Fizzgan. Do you know her?" asked the Real Barbara, rolling up her sleeves to reveal an anchor tattoo on one arm and a tattoo of Niagara Falls on the other.
---
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