"Now?" asked Rita. She wished she'd never picked up the phone. Her gin glass was still half full, the other half pint having gone down nicely with the Fred Elliott pie that she'd found at the bottom of the freezer during a recent foray looking for frozen peas. "I don't normally do paying gentlemen callers after 8pm. But if you really are 21/21/21 (stones, centimetres, years) then pop over. Usual fees mind, and, don't expect gymnastics."
"Measure it?" said Rita. "I don't need any measurements to tell you that is not 21cm. I've been selling rulers in the Cabin for more years than I care to remember, and I know what 21cms look like. And you don't look like you're 21 years old either. In fact I know you're not because I remember when Gail went into labour back in December 1990. You're nearly 31, but not 21.
"I might not be David. But I think we can both agree that you're a midget gem. Now take your scrawny body and your penny chew out of my shop. Away down to the Rovers. You'll meet allsorts there."
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"Measure it?" said Rita. "I don't need any measurements to tell you that is not 21cm. I've been selling rulers in the Cabin for more years than I care to remember, and I know what 21cms look like. And you don't look like you're 21 years old either. In fact I know you're not because I remember when Gail went into labour back in December 1990. You're nearly 31, but not 21.
David was lost for words momentarily. "Maybe I'm 11,21,31 (stones, cms, years). Can't we average them out?"
"Look David. Imagine if someone wanted some of my premium chocolates and some pan drops. I can't just average out the price. Chocolates are £2.50 per 100 grammes, and pan drops are 90p. I can't just chuck em all in a bag and charge the average price, can I? And you can't chuck anything into a bag and call it an average either. So no chucking and no bags for you. Come on, get away home with you."
"Aye, but let's be honest. You're not premium chocolate Rita," said the nearly 31-year old.
"Look David. Imagine if someone wanted some of my premium chocolates and some pan drops. I can't just average out the price. Chocolates are £2.50 per 100 grammes, and pan drops are 90p. I can't just chuck em all in a bag and charge the average price, can I? And you can't chuck anything into a bag and call it an average either. So no chucking and no bags for you. Come on, get away home with you."
"Aye, but let's be honest. You're not premium chocolate Rita," said the nearly 31-year old.
"I might not be David. But I think we can both agree that you're a midget gem. Now take your scrawny body and your penny chew out of my shop. Away down to the Rovers. You'll meet allsorts there."
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On the other side of the street, Eileen prepared to leave her house to go down to the Rovers.
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