Mary's memories

Mary was tidying up the floral display outside the flower shop.  She was chatting to Sharon.

"Do you want to buy some toffees, Mary?  I've got chocolate covered toffees here; nutty toffee;  treacle toffee, and just plain old toffee toffee. All very nutritious Mary har har har," said Sharon.

"I'm not allowed to eat toffee since the incident with the alpaca and Prince Charles," replied Mary.  "It was a long time ago.  Mother and I had a small summer job working on a farm.  I was mucking out the alpacas and mother was ploughing the fields.  I wanted to drive the tractor, but mother wouldn't let me drive the tractor, mainly because it reminded her of  the time that she drove an army tank during the war.  She hadn't of course, but during one of her unstable moments she hallucinated it.  Anyway, I diverge.  One day we were told that Prince Charles was coming to visit the farm, and mother and I were both very excited.  He had just divorced Diana, and mother reckoned that as he had a bride 15 years younger before, now he might try 15 years older.  I, on the other hand, thought that I had a chance, being close in age and looks to Lady Di. I used to often get stopped in the street and snapped by the paparazzi."

Mary was full flow, and difficult to stop.  "Mother parked the tractor and we stood side by side waving as the royal car passed.  We looked splendid, both of us dressed like scare crows to stress our green credentials.  Mother had toffees, and she gave me one to calm my excitement.  I took two out of the bag, and gave one to Ena, my favourite alpaca.  I was chewing merrily on the other one."

Mary picked off a few dead heads and continued. "Prince Charles came over at that point, and started to ask me questions.'How long have you worked, err, here?' he asked.  I tried to explain it was a summer job but the toffee made it hard to talk.  Mother stuck her hand up my jumper and pretended that I was a ventriloquist's doll, so as not to make me look silly."

"'I geen working here since just gefore July,' mother said.  She didn't sound too bad, but then she had had that stint with the Forces Entertainment Corp in the 60s," explained Mary, a faraway longing in her eyes.

"Ena saw mother doing this, and she got very protective. She scraped her feet on the dry earth, snorted a bit and kept chewing her toffee.  Then she charged directly at mother and Prince Charles."

Sharon had lost the thread of the story a while back, but she nodded politely, and laughed, "Har har har."

"Ena was very light on her feet. I always said that if Ena had been a human, she would have been a ballet dancer," Mary explained, holding herself in the third ballet position.  "She flew over the fence.  Prince Charles's security men rushed forward to protect him. They were tall, rugged, firm men. Very, very manly and strong. Ena got there first, and head-butted Prince Charles."

"Was 'e hurt, har har har?" queried Sharon.

"No, he wasn't seriously hurt.  Mother was stunned, and I was still unable to speak with my toffee only half way eaten.  She was bundled into the back of a van with these handsome, strong men.  I only wish it had been me," she sighed.  "I would have taken the blame to save mother from the horror of being manhandled by these brutally-strong, needy men."

"So, you don't want a toffee then?" Sharon checked.  She was desperate to offload her surplus.  It was the only piece of evidence left that tied Harvey to the crime.

"No. Best not. I just never know what will happen when I use toffees.  I can't risk it," Mary said, casting her eyes around to see if by any chance there were security men around ready to bundle her into a van.  

"No such luck," said Mary, not meaning to speak out loud.