Sugar Baby Love

 The sound of the gun being fired echoed throughout Coronation Street - and beyond.  Fizzgan was pegging out the washing in the yard when she heard the sound.  Being somewhat American by birth, she didn't react much to the sound, but little Archiehope did and he started crying.

"Mwah mwah mwah," he cried, sounding not unlike Uncle Boris, who wasn't his real uncle but seemed to be a friend of his great-grandma.

Fizzgan laid down the basket of wet clothes, and it was this act of bending forward that start her labour, and not the sound of the gun.

"Baby's on't way," she said to herself.  "I best phone Hyrone."

She called Hyrone's mobile and he answered quickly.  He was aghast and surprised at the same time, and said he'd rush home.

Fizzgan phoned for an ambulance.  This, of course, is a common occurrence on the Cobbles.

"Ambulance please. I'm having a baby.  And how much will it cost?" she said.

"Ambulances are free at the point of use in the National Health Service, madam," said the operator.  "Healthcare is seen as a public good in the UK and not as a commodity to be sold for profit, such as the model used in the USA."

By the time Hyrone arrived home, Fizzgan was nearly at Weatherfield General (Arch Duke Ferdinand Wing).  Fizzgan gave birth upon arrival, and didn't even so much as remove an item of clothing, merely lowering her drawers at the opportune moment.  Being a film star, and a princess, she didn't even look slightly dishevelled, and she never once had to call on her makeup artist to retouch her flawless look.

Hyrone rushed into the Terry Duckworth Delivery Suite, and there was Fizzgan glowing and reading a contract from "Hay up, Chuck!" Magazine who wanted to do an exclusive first-look-at-the-baby feature.  A nurse was feeding the baby from a bottle (Fizzgan had been told about breast-feeding, but like equality, gun control and evolution, she did not believe in it.)

"We shall call him Phil after great-grandpa," decreed Hyrone.

"She is a little girl, darling.  And we can't call her Phil. What about Philys?"

"Lilibet, in honour of her Maj," suggested Hyrone.

"Ruby after my great-great-great Aunt Ruby," counted Fizzgan.

"A portmanteau name, like ours," suggested Hyrone to Fizzgan.  Rubette.  And Diaphanous shall be her middle name."

For once, Fizzgan didn't contradict him.

"Rubette Diaphanous Dobbs. Pretty unique."

Hyrone started to sing a lullaby to his new daughter.

"Sugar baby love, sugar baby love
 I didn't mean to make you blue
Sugar baby love, sugar baby love
I didn't mean to hurt you,"

Archiehope gahgahed, Fizzgan farted, Hyrone burped and Rubette gurgled.  A truly musical family.