Kidneys and Kidnapping

 Part 1

Rob was in agony.  He'd donated a kidney to Carla, his sister, as part of an escape attempt and his wound was far from healed.  He tricked his guard, clobbered him over the head, swapped clothes and chained the guard to the bed.  He then walked freely from the hospital.

His lover meanwhile kidnapped Carla at gunpoint and took her to some abandoned building.  Mandy pointed the gun at Carla.  "I love him so much. We're going to run away together.  We're going to go to a distant land and life together for the rest of our lives."

Carla, in pain and recovering from a transplant a few days earlier, was suddenly fully compos mentis.  "You'll never get away with it.  He pushed his last girlfriend over a railing."

Mandy changed her tune. "Oh, I didn't know that.  I'll leave then, me and the baby."

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes, but Rob doesn't know yet."

Rob arrived just in time to hear his name. "What don't I know?"

Mandy left, explaining that she had to go for an ultrasound scan to check that the baby was all right.  "I'd better leave this gun here because it will show up on the scan." 

She laid the gun down, and left the scene. Rob ranted for a while He started to leave but Carla pushed him down the stairs. By awful coincidence, Rob fell over a railing and down to the floor below.

"Och no. Ah've killt him," she said in a weird Scottish accent for no clear reason.

"CARLA!" came a shout from the door. "Whit huv ye done?" It was Swain, DI Swain.   She also had a Scottish accent and no idea why.

"Oh I had a kidney transplant then a prison guard brought me here and Rob turned up before the guard left so I pushed Rob over the railing.  I'm knackered, and we've not had the first ad break yet."

"Thairs been a murrderrr," said Swain.

Trevor the dinosaur  appears on screen. "Corrie wasn't like this millions of years ago when I first roamed the earth," he said. "Come back Annie Walker. All is forgiven."

~~~   ~~~

Part 2

Kevin and Jack share ball puns as Kevin lies in the hospital bed.  "I'm sure you'll have a ball, Dad." 

"When I'm beter, we'll go to Barcelona and see some football. Just one mind."

(Cut back to previous scene).

Swain, DI Swain checked Rob for a pulse. No pulse.  "Come on Carla, let's go back to the hospital."

"Ok with me."

They reached the car when DC Kit arrived.  "What happened Lisa?"

"Carla kidnapped by prison guard. Rob ran away, hit me on head. Prison guard pregnant, gone for scan. Rob came here, Carla defended herself, Rob fell, splat he's dead," she replied. "Take us to hospital please."

"I'll check Rob over first," said Kit.

"NO! Get Carla to the hospital NOW!"

They left, Kit driving and Carla and Lisa sitting in the back. Carla moaned softly then loudly then softly again.  Kit put on a CD to drown out the sound - Every Breath You Take.

"Every breath you take, And every move you make, Every bond you break, Every step you take, I'll be watching you," he mouthed as Sting sang. How he loved be a member of the Police.

~~~   ~~~

Part 3

Bobby sits alone in Carla's flat.  He is praying.

"I don't usually pray, cos you know... it's not my thing. But my dad Rob, Rob Donovan, he recently discovered you when he was in jail, and lo and behold he gave a kidney to his sister only he seems to have disappeared would you believe.  So I'm praying to ask you to look out for him because he really should still be in hospital.  If by any chance he has arranged to kidnap my Aunty Carla and is holding her somewhere, please make sure that he is safe.  By the way she should be in hospital too.  Now, I know I'm asking you a lot but if by any chance he falls over a railing today and dies could you please bring him back to life?  He's been out of my life for a while but I'm getting to like him.  And if he batters Swain, DI Swain about the head and knocks her unconscious can you please forgive him for that because he wouldn't have meant anything bad by it.  Oh, and seeing you're listening to me just now could you help me to get a date with Lauren? If Max goes to jail I'll be in with a chance.

Part 4

A dead body lies dead on the floor. Dead.

Suddenly the lights dim and everything is out of focus. At first we think that Abbie is having another PTSD episode but then a lightning bolt illuminates the scene and we see that this is Rob Donovan, dad of Bobby, brother of Carla, owner of one kidney, and father of Mandy's foetus.

The lightning strikes the body. Rob's eyes twitch. He rises up from the floor in one smooth unbending movement until he is back on his feet.

Credits role and Trevor and Connie are caught off guard.

Trevor (in his normal voice, highly refined and sophisticated): It's simply that I think you undermine me slightly when you throw ghastly popped corns towards me, and then go on to tell me to open my mouth darling.

Connie (in her normal voice, London cockney, rough and ready - she had failed the audition for Eastenders a few years ago) All right me old China, don't 'ave 'eart hattack over it, know what I mean treacle?