Scene 1
Business was quiet at Roy's and he knew that he needed to be a bit more adventurous to improve sales. He decided that a menu revamp would be a good idea, the last new menu change having been the big story celebrating the 50th year of Corrie during the live episode on 9th December 2010.
Roy's mind thought back to that episode......
December 9th 2010. Roy's rolls.
Roy is closing up for the night. There is one hot pie left in the pie cabinet. It had been there since 9am being kept hot all day.
Ken Barlow comes in.
Ken: Hi Roy.
Roy: I'm just closing Ken. Is there anything I can do for you before I lock up?
Ken: I'm feeling hungry. Deirdre's making her aubergine flan for tea, and I'm not really in the mood. I'll take that pie please Roy.
Roy (placing the pie in a paper bag): that'll be 75 pence please Ken.
Ken hands over a pound coin. "Take 5p as a tip and just give me back the 20," he said generously.
Scene 2 (We are still inside Roy's reminiscences)
Ken leaves the cafe with his pie in a poke. Outside lurks a figure, hooded and desperate. Viewers can't decide if it's David or Rita.
Figure: 10p for a cup of coffee mate?
Ken: No. I've just given Roy a five pence tip. That was a shilling when I first started work in Coronation Street.
Figure: I've not eaten for ages.
The figure snatches the pie and runs off, down the street in the direction of the corner shop.
The hooded hooligan starts to eat the pie. The viewers still can't tell who it is.
Figure: Ruddy pie. It's hard as a brick. It's like it's been lying around all day.
The figure takes the pie and throws it up onto the tramline above the arches. The camera follows the pie and it lands on one of the tracks. A tram approaches, and the driver doesn't notice the stale snack until it's too late.
The tram is derailed and it lands in Dev's shop, the bistro place, Rita's Kabin and the garage. The figure by now is walking back up Coronation Street, oblivious to the noise behind him.
Figure: I'll go and complain to Roy about that pie. It was awful. The camera still fails to show the face of the figure, but the walk is now much more suggestive of Audrey or Chesney.
Scene 3 (Still inside Roy's reminiscences)
Roy hadn't quite locked up yet. He was just about to when the door swung open. The camera focused on the feet. Now the viewer is left wondering if the foot belongs to Becky or to Sean Tully.
Figure: I have come to complain about your pies.
Roy: Did you buy a pie from me Norris? (At last the culprit is made known.)
Norris: I received a gift of a pie from Ken Barlow but I had to throw it away. It was terrible. I think you should stop selling pies and....
Roy: Yes Norris and what?
Norris: And revamp your menu.
Scene 4 (Still inside Roy's reminiscences)
Jason and Mary leave the Rovers. Mary is pretty sure that she has pulled.
Jason: What's going on down that end of the street?
Mary: It looks like Molly has died, Rita is buried under rubble, various others are missing, and (unless my eyes deceive me) there's been a tram crash.
Jason: Should we go and help?
Mary: Or we could go back to my place. It's probably just a minor incident that'll be all tidied up by morning.
Scene 5 (Still inside Roy's reminiscences)
Roy has wiped the chalkboard and has started to create a new menu.
Roy: Latte, Cappuccino and Americano. That'll do for coffees. Now meals. Instead of sausage, eggs and chips, I'll offer smashed avocado, prawns and kale.
No more pies. Norris said no more pies. I might replace pies with pigs feet.
Roy carries on till he has a new menu.
Scene 6 (Still inside Roy's reminiscences)
Jason is on the phone.
Jason: Hello. Police please.
Police officer: Police. What's your woe, man?
Jason: Help! It's awful. Unnatural. It's off its rails. This big heavy equipment is lying on top of...
Police officer: We know about the tram crash sir. It has been reported.
Jason: No, I'm talking about Mary. She's got me locked in her flat and she's pinned me down to the floor. She's off her head.
Scene 7 (Back in the present)
Roy has wiped the chalkboard and has started to create a new menu.
Roy: Fatty latte, Skinny cappuccino and Gulf of Americano. That'll do for coffees. Now meals. Instead of smashed avocado, prawns and kale, I'll offer sausage stuffed chips with an egg white omelette. No more custard slices, and instead Tartes avec creme anglaise. I might replace pigs feet with cow cheek pies.
Roy carries on till he has a new menu. He displays the menu, and talks to himself.
Roy: Was I responsible for the tram crash for selling that pie? Or was Ken responsible for buying it when he knew that it was after hours? Or is Norris to blame for not eating it, and instead throwing it onto the tramline?
He turns off the light and walks upstairs.
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