No one is arrested

Scene 1: Coronation Street, outside the shop

David: Andy. Got any jobs for me?

Andy: Aye. 3pm, precinct.

David: Usual cash?

Andy: Usual cash, usual rules.

(No one is arrested).

Scene 2: The Bistro

Amy is bored.  She has picked up three meat balls from a plate waiting to be delivered and she is trying to teach Sam how to juggle.

Amy: One up, two up catch one, throw three, catch two throw.

Sam: Should we be doing this? Won't the meatballs get cold?

Amy: They were pretty lukewarm to start with.

Sam: Just like the love that my father has for Leanne.  'Twas once hot, now at best it is tepid.

Amy: Tepid... tepid. Oh if only my mother could see me now. Me learning new words like tepid.

(No one is arrested).

Scene 3: David and Andy lurk

David: Got the cash?

Andy: I'm good for it.

David: And no one knows we're here?

Andy: No one and certainly not the police. So no one will get arrested.

(No one is arrested).

Scene 4: The Police Station

Swain, DI Swain: It's quiet on the streets today.

PC Tinker: I don't like it boss.

DC Kit: Something's brewing. I can sense it in the air. And yet there's been no reason to arrest anyone.

PC Tinker: I don't like it boss.

Swain, DI Swain: With no arrests, there might not be enough work to keep three actors employed as main characters.

DC Kit: Well they won't cut me. I'm related to Gemma and the quadropods. And Bernie is my natural mother.  And I'm the father of Daisy's baby though I don't know it yet.

Swain, DI Swain: Don't look at me. I'm having a lesbian affair with Carla, my daughter Betsy's friend has been murdered and I've got a back story involving my now dead girlfriend getting embroiled in some distant memory of a crime.

PC TInker: I used to have a pet rat, and my mother had to leave the street because she fell out with Kit. Now all I've got is Kirk as a step dad.  I'll get my coat.

(No one is arrested)

Scene 5: A street scene

David has committed his crime.

David: Eh oop that were easy.

Three youths: We gonna batter you Dave and steal the money.

David: Oi that wasn't in't script.

Three youths: No it's a bonus scene.  We'll do it off-camera and you must not tell the police.

(No one is arrested)

Scene 6: Ken's house

Ken: I switched cups Cassie.  Drink up

Cassie: Why why Kenny? My plan was coming together nicely.

Ken: I knew from day one. I only kept you on because I was enjoying the extras.

Cassie: Extras? What extras?

Ken: When you came around and 10pm every night and cuddled me in bed before we made love.

Cassie: But Kenny.... I sent our Tyrone around every night at 10pm to check you were ok.

Ken: You mean.. It was HE who sang me Rock a bye baby and massaged Deep Heat into my sore back every night before we were intimate?

Cassie: Well it wasn't me Kenny. I just couldn't lie down with a man of your age.

Ken: Not even for money? Why have I allowed you to use my bank card willy nilly?

Cassie: Oh Kenny... You do love your air fryer though, don't you?

Ken: I should call the police. 

He doesn't and instead has a heart attack.

(No one is arrested)

Scene 7: The Police Station

Kit: (He is staring at a screen waiting for a 999 call to come in.) Nothing doing.

Swain, DI Swain (She is sharpening her teeth with a nail file). I need this job.

Craig: (He is playing tiddly winks by himself.)  I'll get my coat.

Kit: This will be the first episode since 1977 that did not include an arrest.  No wonder they want one of us to go. They don't need as many police officers any more.

(No one is arrested.)