Nick's Confession

 "Bless me father for I have sinned," said Nick.

"We don't actually do that kind of thing," responded Billy the Vicar. "But please feel free to talk to me."

"It is 30 years since my last confession.  As a teenager, Granny Tilsley insisted I went to confession every week."

"That's £4.90 please," said Dev.  Nick handed a fiver over.

"I'm not sure where to begin." Nick was genuinely confused.

"10p change," said Dev. He placed a 5p in Nick's hand, hoping that Nick wouldn't notice.

"I ran away with Leanne and got married when I was 17," he carried on, pocketing the 5p, not noticing that Dev had diddled him out of money.  Dev did a high five with an imaginary friend.  He was making his way to a million pounds 5p at a time.

"A frozen curry for one and a litre bottle of vodka please Dev.  Why don't you focus on the last few years Nick?  I haven't been in Coronation Street long enough to remember all of your past storylines," said Billy, managing two conversations at once.

"I've tried to be a better man since Sam came to stay with me. I've stopped flirting with women that I've never met before.  I've kept it strictly to family members only," said Nick.  His brow unfurrowed slightly as he confessed.

"Family..... mmmmembers?  You mmmmean like Audrey?" asked Dev, elongating random sounds in the words he spoke. "£24.50 please Billy."

"Incest is a sin," said Billy.  "Thanks Dev, I'll put it on my card."

"No, not my family.  I mean Leanne's family. Toyah.  I fell in love with Toyah," explained Nick.

Dev looked disappointed.  A shopkeeper's day is always better when there's a bit of gossip to be spread.

"We can't choose who we fall in love with," say Billy.

"I've stopped buying in cheap wine and changing the labels in The Bistro," Nick continued. "And I have tried my best to eat five a day."

"It's all good Nick but aren't you suppppposed to focus on your ssssins and not on your improvements?  Give us some more of the juicy stuff. It's a long day standing behind this shop counter." This came from Dev who was listening whilst pricing cans of peaches.

"I think we should go somewhere quieter and more private," suggested Billy.  Nick agreed and they moved on.

Five minutes later...

"I never really liked David if I'm honest.  I love him as he is my brother but there's a big age gap between us.  I was ten when he was born and married by the time he was seven. So we never really did the big bro little bro bonding thing," explained Nick.

"That's understandable Nick.  You had other interests at that age. But you're both men now, family men, and surely things must have improved."

"Not according to my mother," said Amy.  She was polishing glasses at The Bistro's bar.

"I agree with Amy.  If anything I envy him.  He's married with 2 lovely kids, even though one is in jail and the other is seldom seen.  And his wife, Shona.  She's too good for him."

"Do you have any other sins Nick?"

"Yes Billy.  I've been double dipping the spoon when I check the soup of the day. And I frequently think about Leanne when I'm with Toyah.  Yet I don't want Leanne. It's Toyah I want.  I thought I wanted Carla or Daisy or Sam's mother or Peter Barlow but it turned out to be Toyah all along."

"If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire," said Billy, though with a lack of certainty.  Had Billy himself not looked with lust upon Paul and Todd and Kevin Webster?

"My mother would be blind many times over if she followed that principle," said Amy, still behind the bar. "For years she chased Steve Macdonald, though there was Charlie, Robert, Rob, Tony, Norris and Tommy all in the frame at different times as well.  And out of that lot, she seemed to prefer Steve."

"This is a private conversation Amy, please," said Billy.

"Well go somewhere private then," replied Amy.

"Leave them be," said Mickey, the driver of a chartered coach.  "Me and my 38 passengers are enjoying hearing this. Tell us more Nicky lad!"

"It's Nick now. I haven't used Nicky since Grandma Ivy died."

"Come on Nick. Don't make a fuss.  You are the level-headed brother," said Billy gesturing towards the door.

Five minutes later...

"... and often I get annoyed with Sam.  He's the perfect child and I'm just not used to it. I could do with a break, just six months or a year would do. I took him to Aldi the other day, and filled his pockets with sweets, beer and a pneumatic drill.  I reported him for shoplifting but the little tyke talked himself out of it by explaining that I had  planted the goods on him because I was over-stressed owing to my mother leaving home recently.  The staff were sympathetic, but some of of them were giggling at me."

"'Scuse me mate," said a burly man, probably on his way home from a hard day's work.  Nick stepped aside to let the man pass.

"Nick, be careful of the traffic," said Billy.  He looked up from the traffic island on which they were standing. They were in the middle of a busy commuter route just outside the Granada studios complex.

"Talking of Gail.  I was her favourite you know. First born, best looking, most successful. No wonder she was so cloying and manipulative.  I was glad when she left. Now I'm head of the clan.  Not granny Ivy, not Gail and definitely not David or Sarah.  I, Nicholas Tilsley, rule."

"You sound like Donald Trump young man," said an elderly woman who had been waiting for a few minutes for a gap in the traffic.  "Egomaniac and an over-inflated sense of self-importance.  And I don't like the way you talked about your mother."

"Let me help you across the road," offered Billy. Partly this was his Christian goodness but there was also an element of selfishness as it gave him a few seconds' respite from Nick.

"My mother was overbearing," shouted Nick to the woman. "She was still buying my underwear right up till she got married and left at Christmas.  And that wasn't the worst of it."

The old woman looked back at Nick and shook her head.

"She even chose my suppositories for me."

A hand tapped Nick's shoulder.  Nick turned around to see the grinning face of David.

"Well at least Gail wasn't a pain the arse, wonder boy," said the younger brother.