It's Wednesday lunchtime in Roy's Rolls. There's an hour-long episode on telly tonight and the locals are going about their business as usual. Some will feature in tonight's episode, and others won't. Those not needed this episode will simply go back to their homes, workplaces or visit their favourite pub or bistro and have a drink or a meal quietly in the background.
Roy made a Lancashire Lasagne earlier, and has just chalked it up on the specials board. It's a cross between a hotpot, an Eccles cake and a lasagne. It's Roy's own creation and it serves as a main and a pudding in one.
Sally comes in. "I'll have a skinny latte please Roy. And a salad barm cake."
"Coming up Sally." Roy can tell a lot about his customers by what they order. Sally, he deduces, is living a pretentious life as usual. Weatherfield just isn't a skinny latte place, but he plays along. The salad barm cake, though, that is a real worry. A salad roll suggests that Sally is dieting, and the only reason she'd be dieting is because she has gone off Tim. Also, it's been a while since she had an affair and periodically all women in Corrie (apart from Emily and Betty) have relationships with men. Now if Sally has an affair then Tim will be cast aside, and a single Tim could cast his net in the direction of Mary, Evelyn or Nina. He likedsto think of them as Roy's Angels. And he doesn't need competition. He spreads extra butter onto Sally's order to add calories and in an attempt to keep her faithful.
Next in is Tyrone. Tyrone is like an excited labrador. "I'll have...," he looks left and right. "A mug of...," he wags his tail. "Tea please Roy." Tyrone sniffs the air. "And a big sticky bun." Roy sees that Tyrone is happy. That must mean that Hope hasn't burnt down the house, Evelyn hasn't scolded him, and Cassie must be pulling her weight and keeping off the drugs.
Sean comes in next. "A black coffee and an apple tart Roy." Now this interests Roy immensely. Sean always reminds Roy of Winston Churchill. Like Winston, Sean could have his days of depression. Churchill had his black dog and Sean had his black coffee. Churchill was a drinker, and Sean ate apple tarts. Addiction. Churchill gave wonderful speeches and Sean often makes pithy comments. Churchill was a tremendous leader and inspiration to millions. Sean inspires his work mates to sew faster. But this black coffee and addictive behaviour both suggest that Sean is in a dark place. If Sean is down, his colleagues' productivity would be down, and Carla would be down. A depressed Carla would lose interest in Swain. Swain would dump Carla, and she might then begin to investigate some apparently minor crimes or cold cases as she'd have nothing else to run with as a storyline. Roy, normally blameless, had indirectly assisted Hayley, his wife, to commit suicide a number of years ago. He knew it was wrong then, and he knows it's wrong now. If Swain started to investigate cold cases, Roy could be uncovered, and he wasn't ready to go back to prison. It is imperative that he cheer Sean up. Roy freedom depends on it and the viewers couldn't stand weeks or months of seeing Roy with a straggly beard again.
Roy's not good at small talk but he thinks hard to find a subject that might interest Sean. Dylan! Of course. Ask about the family. "How's Dylan getting on in jail? It was a dark and frightening time when I was in." Ah, wrong approach, he realised too late.
"Don't ask Roy. He's getting aggro from this other lad who wanted me to smuggle in a mobile phone for him and who's been threatening my Dylan even though I did what he wanted, but he didn't get it. He pretends that everything is all right, and I believed him but now you've just told me it's a scary place and now I'm convinced that he's in danger. But like I say, don't ask Roy. Better make that two apple tarts."
Roy added another apple tart to the bag and fretted.
Roy turns his back to open a new can of baked beans and when he turns around to face the counter, there is David Platt. He had just appeared as if from nowhere. He's light on his feet is David. He's the kind of guy who walks around corners in the same way that slinkies climb down stairs. He looks haunted and hunted and Roy always feel that David habitually looks over his shoulder but does so at a speed which is undetected by humans.
"Bacon, sausage, egg, toast, tea, please Roy."
This cheers Roy up. David doesn't eat when he is worried, so he must be fine today.
"Anyone in hospital or helping the police with their enquiries today?" asks Roy.
"No. Max is in jail of course but he's left the programme so he won't be mentioned again. Shona's fine and Lily's good. Audreh is sober, Gail has left, Nick is just Nick. Sara is flirting with Kit or Adam or Gary or Sean or Kevin. No house of course but that's the least of me worries."
"I'll add on an extra slice of toast, no charge," said Roy. He feels it was the least he could do, and Shona does work here.
Maria came in next. "Cheese toastie to take away Roy."
No please from Maria, Roy notes. She must be distracted, so things are a little unstable at home. Gary or Liam (or both) might be causing her headaches.
Roy has studied cheese and he knows what different styles represent, so much so that he made up a some rhymes.
Grated cheese suggests a desire to tear someone apart: Cheese that's grated, someone's hated.
Sliced cheese is ordinary and everyday: Sliced up cheese, easy to please.
People who like cheese with salad are usually needing a pick-me-up: Mixed with salad, sick and pallid.
Grilled or toasted cheese is comfort food, and shows someone needs care: Under the grill, could be ill.
Cheese and pickle suggests a person likes to be a bit naughty: Cheese and pickle, slap and tickle.
"I thought you might have fancied cheese and pickle Maria," says Roy.
"Mmm I do fancy a bit of cheese and pickle, but I best stick to the toasted sandwich Roy. Anyway," she giggles at this point, "you're on your own and we wouldn't have any time to do anything."
"Is everything all right Maria?"
"I've been a little unwell recently," she replies.
"Thought as much." He's right again.
Daisy enters. "Flat white please, to take out."
Oh dear, Roy thinks. A flat white is almost always associated with a person who is approaching a departure. The flatness of the concept, the blandness of the product, and the simple inability just to ask for a white coffee all add up to suggest that Daisy will be leaving Coronation Street soon. Flat mood as she will be out of work unless she can do a Sarah Lancashire. Bland delivery as she is still monosyllabic and in shock over all of the bad things that have happened to her. Inability to ask for a white coffee shows that she is no longer able to identify with working class northerners. Yes, Daisy will soon be gone.
The day carries on like this with many more customers coming and going.
Hope: Beefburger and coke (will spoil her tea causing a family row. Trouble between Evelyn and Fizz.)
Ken: Tea and a scone (a nostalgic but patriotic combination, showing Ken was ready for one of his social campaigns.)
Eileen: Lancashire Lasagne (the first of the day). This signifies that Coronation Street is moving with the times and reflecting the multi-cultural nature of UK society and representing the best of British.
So, as Roy closes for the night, he reflects on how Tyrone was eager, Maria was unwell but otherwise fancied some cheese and pickle. Sean was worried about Dylan but David's world was fine (apart from no house.) And Daisy confirmed that she will be gone soon.
Roy turns to the picture of Hayley that is held up by a fridge magnet on the chiller door.
"Goodnight Hayley. I wish you were here to cook for. You loved a casserole with cabbage and mash. Casserole was easy to cook, no fuss required. Cabbage was full of life-giving vitamins and fibre and mash was brutally savaged by the masher of society's opinions. But that masher led to the mash being smooth and lump-free. Just like you, my dearest Hayley. Goodnight."
He turned off the lights and made the short but draining journey upstairs where another evening alone beckoned him. Perhaps, he hoped, the dreams would come tonight.
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