Fizz was feeling down. A bit stressed. One thing that she couldn't cope with today was other people. Today it was best just to avoid other people. She wasn't angry with them - she was just not in a mood where she could tolerate other people's annoyances.
Sadly for her - and perhaps to the dismay of those she met - this was not to be a day where she was able to avoid many people, as her secret diary reveals.
Fizzs Secret Dairy Vollume 25 - May 2025
It was my own fault. I didnt need too ask but you cant' help yourself can you. Why would Vera keep her tights in the fridge, I asked.
So they didnt get a ladder in them Tyrone told me.
Putting them in the fridge to stop ladders. How do u work that one out?
Cos jack said that the drawer upstairs had a nail sticking up and if Vera put her tights in there theyd get snagged.
Ty, I said, speaking slow, we dont have that chest of drawers. Jack took the drawers out and put them in his pigeon loft and burned the rest of the wood. Our chest of drawers came from Gary's second hand furniture store.
Yeah I know said my husband. I did wonder why you put your tights in the fridge when theres no problem with the drawers upstairs.
I dont keep them in the fridge. That was Vera.
Oh yeah he said smiling and chortling. Im always getting you and Vera mixed up in my head like. I miss her.
So that was me in a bad mood before I even left the house.
Sally
I went out, aiming to get to the corner shop. Sally was leaving Kevin's house when i got close to devs shop. Morning I said. She used to be married to Tyrone's partner in the garage (Kevin) but she isnt now.
Oh morning Fizz. That's what she said to me. It sounded like it was an effort even to speak to me. We used to work in the factory together so she neednt think she's special or owt.
I thought, right lady. I'll wind you up.
I said, oh have you got any appointments for a trim today? She said you want to ask Audrey not me. I said, oh sorry Sally. I thought you were Audrey. You're really getting to look like her.
I don't think so, replied Mrs High and Mighty Sally.
I said oh it's a compliment, what with Audrey being a few years younger than you. That left her speechless which makes a change and I just smiled nicely to her and carried on walking to Devs.
Evelyn
So who was serving in the shop? It had to be the granny-in-law from hell and it was.
Ah Fiona. I'm glad you're here, she said. Well that was a bad sign.
Oh yeah, wise that? That's what I said to her.
Ive been worried about Hope. I caught her smoking a fish in the outdoor lav the other day.
I tried to imagine Hope smoking a fish but I couldnt see it. What end would go into your mouth?
Evelyn then explained to me that it wasnt to do with smoking like ciggies. Apparently things what are smoked flavour like smokey bacon crisps are smokey tasted cos they have actually been done in smoke.
Why would Hope smoke fish I asked. Evelyn said that Dav had been paying Hope some money to smoke cheese for his shop but she had took to moonlighting with fish.
I was a bit annoyed with Dev for exploiting my Hope. Annoyed with Hope for not giving me some of the money she had maid. And annoyed with Evelyn for encouraging it all behind my back.
I paid for the milk and left. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else.
Rita
After Devs' shop I went to the Kabin. I wanted to buy a magazine. Something like "Weatherfield Women!" or "Greater Manchester Vogue".
I picked a magazine (I settled on a wrestling magazine cos Ty's always wanting to try new things) and decided to treat myself to an energy drink - the one that gives you wings, not to be confused with Bodyform but Red Bull.
You look like you kneed that Fizz, said Rita. I thought you should have one too Rita. She was looking tired but she is 93. I thought up a funny line, and I said Aye I need some fizz to buck me up and this fizzy drink should do it.
Rita didn't get it. So I could of said something cutting but she is 92 so I gave her an easy time. I paid for my magazine and left. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else.
Billy the vicar
He was hanging about the street corner when I came out of the Kabin. I don't think I've ever had any storylines involving me and him but I like to say hiya anyway, what with him being religious and you just never knoe do you?
Hi Billy. That's all I said. I didn't ask him for a sob story.
Hi Fizz. I'm collecting money on behalf of the old peoples social club. He shook a bucket at me.
Oh aye, I took out my purse and put 5 10 pences into his bucket. He started to tell me what had happened. They've had a terrible time down the old peoples social club. Some deprived and poor young men stole the roof and when Father Francis went up to repair it a wind caught him off guard and blew him off the roof.
You would of thought that god would of looked out for Father Francis. I assume he had his dog collar on so God would a realised he was a priest.
Its called a clerical collar and yes he did. But god sends rain on the upright and on the unjust.
Well Billy it wasn't rain you said it was the wind and I take it you mean Father Francis is unjust cos I know for a fact that he charges £1 for a candle but you can get them for less than that down the precinct.
Billy tried to calm me down but he could see I was on a short fuse. I was beginning to think it was a scam cos I mean who ever steals a whole roof?
Kevin
Hey Fizz, tell Tyrone not to be late. We have 4 MOTs today, an exhaust and several brakes to fix this morning. This was Kevin's greeting to me after id left Billy with my 50p.
I have three things to say to you in Response, i said.
One.) Tyrone is never late for work
B) I think a pleasant good morning Fizz would of a better way to start a conversation and
3) I am not your employee so don't give me orders.
All right calm down calm down he said.
I am perfectly calm I said. I wasn't. So stick that up your exhaust pipe and smoke it. Maybe if Sally had spoke to him like that when they were married they'd still be together. So it's probably just as well she didn't. I just walked away. If he wants to talk to Tyrone he can phone him.
Mary
Mary was passing after I'd wiped the floor with the grease monkey.
You seem to be a bit stressed she said. Well I was wasn't I?
What's the answer to stress Mary, I asked. I knew she'd go off on one of her mad adventure stories.
Right enough she started to tell me about her past. When I was a young woman, about 17, I was leading the donkeys back to the stables after a long but profitable day by the water.
At Blackpool, I assumed.
No, not at Blackpool. I worked on a small stretch of the Manchester Ship Canal.
I can't imagine you made a lot of money there, I said.
It was better than the bucket and spade shop we had before. There just wasn't enough passing trade. And before that we ran a hotel but that went out of business quickly. Mother didn't have a lot of money so she built the hotel herself, one bit at a time. Her plan was to reinvest the profit and to add on facilities as the business grew.
Why did you go out of business? I assume you didn't get enough guests. I wasn't really much interested at this stage but I felt obliged to respond to show I was listening.
Mary looked as if she was as flat as a pint of bitter left lying overnight. I could tell she was really sad thinking back to her failed hotel.
She was looking behind me as if seeing the hotel there. We didn't get any guests, she said. Ever.
I felt a chill run down my spine. I sensed something bad had happened. I was giving her full attention now.
Never got any guests? Why not? Was it haunted or was there a murder??? Theres been loads of murders around here so it wasnt a mad question.
No murders said Mary. Mother was quite rude to the guests who came in to ask about rooms. We dont have any rooms to let, now go away and come back next year she would say. We haven't built the bedrooms yet, not till we make any money.
And it was true all we had was the shed with the sign 'HOTELL' that mother painted on using some paint that she had leftover from the face painting theme park. No bar, restaurant, rooms, function suite or toilets.
I was scared that she was going to tell me about her theme park so I got back to the donkeys.
So Mary, you were leading the donkeys back. Why were you stressed?
A boy I fancied for years went out on Daisy the donkey and when he came back he said that I looked like Daisy and was I her sister? I was hurt, really upset. So I said listen here Les Battersby. I might look like her but you sir have all the attributes of her brother Derby the donkey. And I pointed to Derby.
Im glad you think so said Les with a filthy laugh. Can't think why.
So I went back to the stables, feeling all worked up cause my secret crush was so nasty to me and he didn't give me his 5p for the ride either. I was so stressed, Mary said.
In the stables I tended to the donkeys. Just as I was putting Daisy into her stall I noticed some movement in the straw.
I asked Mary what it was. What was it Mary, I said asked.
A baby. Hidden under the straw. A little baby girl, and I named her Daisy after the donkey.
Did that make you feel better Mary? Are you saying that because I'm down I should look for a great opportunity in the most unlikely place?
No. I'm saying that I didn't know what stress was until that baby came into my life. She's been nothing but trouble to me all her life. And now she has grown up and stolen all of Jenny's money. That's real stress. So stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I left Mary. It was either leaver or strike her.
Adam
Adam Barlow used to by my boss but not for a long time. He's a lawyer nowadays so he's handy to know what with the way Hope and Evelyn carry on at times.
I've always thought he was quite handsome. I used to go out with Kirky, and John Stape and Tyrone so you can see where I'm coming from.
I said hello Adam, but I got a bit tongue-tied so it actually came out as <you are so handsome Adam.>
He replied in his Scottish accent "thas verrry kund o ye."
I wasn't sure what he meant. So I said I'm fine thanks Adam, but I got a bit flustered again so it actually came out as 'you really make my heart race Adam. I wish we could meet more often somewhere quiet.'
"Ye can beat it ya freak. We'll ne'er be taegither." Again I wasn't sure what he said but I took it to be:
"We can meet in secret. We're near to one another."
I don't know if it's all the haggis he eats or all whisky he drinks but he could make my porridge any morning. He started to walk away and I decided to speak Scottish to him. "It's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht if ye want tae tak me fur a wee walk oot."
I probably mispronounced some of the words judging by the way he started laughing uncontrollably , but I think he'z interested.
Hope
I got home and sat down to relax. But the girls came in from school so the peese was shattered. Ruby went upstairs as usual (she doesn't get to appear in many scenes really.) But Hope stayed downstairs. I knew she was scheming.
Mum i want to borrow ten pounds, that was her opening line.
Theres no way I'm lending you ten pounds. What do you want it for anyway? I had to admit I was wondering what she was up to.
I will give it back Friday.
What are you doing?
I want to buy you a present, she says. I was kinda touched that she wanted to buy me something.
What for? Why do you want to buy me a present?
You have a lot to put up with. Ruby's a horrible child. You of said as much yourself. A boy in school is selling balaclavas, his nan knits them. I wanted to get you one to hide your unhappy face.
At first I was insulted and then I thought if I had a balaclava I could meet Adam without anyone recognising me and the same for him. We could walk along the canal together without worrying about anyone seeing us, two sets of eyes, two noses and two mouths on show but nothing else.
Here's twenty. Get me two I said.
Hope took the money and smiled at me. Or maybe it was a smirk. She went out into the hall and left the door open as always. I overheard her as she spoke to Ruby on her way up the stairs.
I won the bet, you owe me a tenner. Mum is going to wear a balaclava and so is dad. What a pair of idiots.
Aye, Hope, you've got it wrong. It'll be me and Adam and not me and your dad. A victory to me. I think.
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