Go on Eileen

 Eileen felt that she had reached a crossroads on Coronation Street.  "I've had enough of this place," she said.  "I've not done much over the last quarter of  a century but I've been in a lot of storylines. Most of the time I've been a glorified landlady.  I've lost count of the number of waifs and stragglers who've stayed here a while.  I've had men friends too - who hasn't? I'm not a saint. But they've all been doomed to failure,"

Eileen stopped talking for a few seconds.  "So, will you be able to send a taxi to take me to Lancaster Road?"

Eileen swapped the handset to her other hand and ear.  "Yes we can get you a taxi.  But before I take the details let me just finish.  I moved here in 2000 with Todd and Jason, my two sons.  Todd was ruined by that Gail's horrible daughter Sarah Lou.  She turned him gay, I'm sure of it.  Sarah got her grip on my Jason but he saw through her.  Her mother - Gail - is awful. I can see where Sarah gets it from."

Eileen blinked.  Other women's eyes might have filled with tears as they thought back to the bad things that had happened to them, but Eileen was tough and a blink was as far as she ever went.

"There's been a few men: Dennis, Harry, Ed, Pat, Jerry, Owen, Paul, Adrian, Michael, Pat Phelan, and finally George.  OK, so that's 11 (and there might have been more; I can't remember) but after all that I'm still single.  And you can't say that I ever had sex with the Street's adulterers. No, there never was any attraction between me and Steve or Ken."

Eileen suddenly realised that the caller had hung up.  She scored out the details of the booking and put the handset back down.

"No patience some people," Eileen said to the elderly man who was sitting in the waiting area of the taxi office.  "I've always had a lot of patience me.  I've had to.  My boys have caused me a lot of trouble. Todd went gay, had a few boyfriend problems, came back and he's still living with me.  He must be around 40 - give or take - I can't really remember. But it's ridiculous that he's still here. He sometimes brings his boyfriends back here too and that's just plain awkward.  My other son is older and he's living off-set.  I think he's in Thailand but I'm not sure."

A taxi tooted outside.  "That'll be my taxi. I'll get away," the old man said. He looked relieved. Eileen watched him go.  "All of the men in my life have walked out on me," she mused. "Apart from Todd."

Debbie came in. "Taxi to the Webster Palace Hotel (staff entrance) please."

"It'll be 10 minutes.  Grab a seat and wait," replied Eileen.

"Well as long as it's not any longer. I'm an important business woman with several hotels in my business empire.  The Palace has 300 rooms, and I'm short staffed.  I need to clean the rooms, cook the dinners and cover reception.  A successful hotelier's work is never done."

"I know how you feel love," said Eileen.  "In all my time here I've had lodger after lodger after lodger.  Sean was the first one.  Jason and Todd were still in the house at the time so I'm not sure where he slept.  He might have slept with me; I can't remember.  I think we've got two bedrooms you see and if the boys were sharing and I had a room, well you can do the maths."

Debbie dived into her massive bag and took out her knitting. She appeared to be knitting a little jumper for baby Alfie, the son of her brother's wife.  "Knit one, purl one, knit one, purl one," she said.

Eileen smiled politely.  "There's been so many others.  Right now, I've got Todd still, me and George, Sean and Mary.  Todd's latest 'friend' Theo has been staying over too.  Julie was also here.  And who does the dishes? I do.  Who does the washing and ironing? I do."

Debbie's taxi arrived, and she finished, knitting the row she was on, then got up and started for the door.  She advised Eileen to take up knitting.  You can knit for your grandchildren, even though you haven't got any yet. Build up a little supply of baby cardigans and Babygros. She smiled and left to enter her taxi.

The phone rang.  "Street cars," said Eileen. "We run around after you, picking up and laying down so you don't have to do anything."

"Eh? Ok. I need a taxi to take me to my work- Jackson Windows Skid Row Industrial Estate."

"Skid Row? Well that's a coincidence.  I run my own version of Skid Row. Bring your down and outs and Eileen will take them in.  Nothing exciting ever happens to me, but at least I had the chance to fight and scrap with Gail every so often. Now they've put her out to graze so I don't have that to look forward to."

"My address is 33 Sewage Street," said the caller.

Tim came in and sat in the office chair.

"Hang on love." Eileen put the caller on hold.

Eileen addressed Tim. "I was just saying that Gail's gone and the place isn't the same without her."

"The place is definitely not the same without her. What with the house burning down, Max in jail and David being David."

"Yeah, it was always a drama living opposite the Platts.  But I was always looking out on the action.  Did I get any exciting stories?"

"Well there was that Pat Phelan story.  It went on for a long time, and you ended up marrying him."

"Yeah. I never did quite understand that whole storyline, but I went through the motions."

Eileen picked up the phone again.  "Give me your address again. I wasn't listening." She wrote it down and told the caller that the taxi will be there in 5 minutes.  Tim took the note with the details and left, just as Steve walked in.

"Have you got any biscuits Eileen?"

"I have but you aren't getting them.  I bought them myself. Get your own biscuits if you want biscuits."

Steve raked about for Eileen's hidden  stash.  He'd like a custard cream or a chocolate digestive but he'd settle for a bourbon if there was nothing else.  Eileen watched this man who had been in her life for the last 25 years.

"A man walks out on me, someone's on their way to Skid Row, another man's only interested in my ginger nuts and I'm sitting here living my life through the thrills of phone calls and people coming in and out asking me to do things. I'm about 60 and no sign of becoming a grandmother yet. My arch enemy has moved away, and Sean's still lodging with me. My latest man friend is an undertaker."

Steve found a half-eaten biscuit in the filing cabinet and he grabbed it and started to gnaw on it without offering to share.  He looked desperate but content now that he had won star prize in the find-a-biscuit competition.

"Life doesn't get better than this Eileen," he said.

"Doesn't it?" she asked.  "It dawned on her that munching an illicit biscuit was the perfect life for some people.  Steve MacDonald has been the most consistent male in my life over the last quarter of a century," she said to herself.  This thought depressed her tremendously. "I want more than a nibble on Steve's Hob Nob. It's time to move on Eileen." 

She looked at the sign advertising airport flights and a plan started to form in her mind.