"Dear Mrs Winter-Brown,
You recently entered the Spot the Doll competition in Hey Up Chuck! magazine. First prize is a five bedroom mansion in Mansfield, second prize is a four bedroomed terrace in Taunton and third price is a three bedroom flat in Flint.
I'm sure that you will be delighted to hear that you have won one of our 500 runner-up prizes of a family portrait. The portrait can include up to 6 people (for example any combination of your partner(s), children or parents).
Congratulations on winning this fantastic prize.
To redeem your fantastic prize simply phone the number on the voucher enclosed and make an appointment. Your nearest Chuck up! photo studio is Preston's Petals, Rosamund Street, Weatherfield (contact Mr Tracy Barlow.)
Yours sincerely,
Gemma's initial excitement passed as she realised that she hadn't won a house. But the thought of a professionally taken family portrait was some consolation.
"Ches, Ches. I've won a competition. Come and see this."
Chesney came down the stairs, a glum expression on his face. "Ey up our lass, what are you saying?"
"Look!"
"A family portrait for up to 6 people. That'll be grand our Gemma. All of t'kids, us and your mam."
"We can't manage me mam Ches. It's only for six."
Chesney started to count using his fingers. "Bryn, Aled, Lilo, Carys and Joseph, you and me." That's six.
"It's Llio, pronounced Cleo, not Lilo. I've told you a thousand times. Llio, Carys, Joseph, you, Bryn, Aled and me. That's our six. I'll book it right away. Pass me the phone Ches."
"Here you are lass. Don't be too long; remember we're still in't peak call time. Keep t'bill low."
"A lovely professionally-shot family portrait will look lovely up on the wall, right next to the picture of the crying clown." Gemma dialled with a look of excitement on her face.
"Preston's Petals. Mary speaking. Which department do you require? Funerals, weddings, portraits, apologies or general?"
"I'd like to book a family portrait using this voucher that I've won. Can I speak to Mr Tracy Barlow please?"
"It's Miss Tracy Barlow. She is not a man. And I should know. I've lent her my curling tongs before. Hold on and I will transfer your call."
Mary placed her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone, but Gemma was still able to hear her. "It's someone wanting to book a portrait one of the competition winners."
"Tracy Barlow here. State your wants quickly and clearly." Tracy was as abrupt on the phone as she was in person.
"Hi. I won a competition and I'd like to book a family portrait using my voucher. It's for Aled, Llio, Bryn, Carys, Joseph, me and Chesney."
"That's seven people. The voucher allows for six people."
"No, it's six. We were gonna include me mam but that would have been too many, so it's just me and Ches, Joseph, Bryn, Carys, Aled and Llio."
"It's seven you thicko. Either drop one or pay the supplement or £250 per extra person."
"But the quads are only little and came from one pregnancy," said Gemma. They only really count as one, plus me, Ches and Joseph. Maybe we could manage me mam too."
"One photo of one family of up to six people. I can you tomorrow at ten," said Tracy in an officious tone.
"I'll take it. We'll figure summat out," conceded Gemma. "Ches, look after the quads. I'm going to the precinct."
"To t'precinct our Gemma? Any reason?"
"We need some clothes for the portrait."
"But kids got new clothes only seven months ago lass. Ah can darn and patch reet tidy. Tha seems to be a big profligate and we're short of money."
"Trust me Chesney. This won't cost much, and will help us in the long run."
The day of the portrait
Next day, everyone was wearing their best clothes - nothing new but everything clean, darned, patched and made to fit.
"Didn't tha get owt at t'charity shop for t'bairns?" enquired Chesney.
"No. And yes," replied the unusually enigmatic Gemma. "I bought you a raincoat."
"A raincoat for me? Tha shouldn'ta done. I'm still wearing Uncle's Les's old jackets. There's plenty of life in them yet."
"Well there it is." Gemma nodded over to the coat hook behind the door. Only it's not yours yet."
"Are you paying it up? Credit?"
"No. I got it for £3 yesterday. I need it today and then tomorrow you can have it."
"Hey oop, it's a fine looking coat. Full length, traditional. And t'colour will show off my gorgeous red hair. Can I wear it today?
Bernie let herself in the front door, accompanied by Kit. Bernie was wearing yellow dungarees, a shark's tooth necklace, an oversize poncho (hand-made by Mexican Maria from the Wetherfield Farmer's Market), a red beanie hat and blue jute scarf. "Everything under control Gemini?"
"I've just got to tape the kids together mam, then we're all ready."
Chesney started to count the number of people in the room. "T'quads, that's four. Thee and me takes it to six. Add on our Joseph that's seven and Bernie brings it to eight. Kit makes it nine. And we're only allowed six people."
Gemma picked up a roll of sticky tape and placed Bryn on Joseph's shoulders. She taped his little feet to Joseph's body. She next picked up Aled and placed him on Bryn's shoulders, before taping his little feet to his quadrophonic brother.
Bernie took the rain coat off the hook and handed it to Gemma. She tried to reach up, but couldn't get to the top of Aled's shoulders. Kit took over - his 6'6" frame reaching over his sister and the three boys easily.
"Put your hands through there Aled," said Kit. Now remember, you aren't Aled today; you are my twin brother Nit. And you two..." he looked down and Joseph and Bryn, "... you've not to say a word until you hear Tracy say smile. Then, you pop your heads out of the overcoat and smile like there's no tomorrow."
Chesney began to see what the plan was. Three kids would pretend to be one person, by wearing a large raincoat, sitting on each others' shoulders. It was like something out of the Beano, but it was actually happening here in real life. But he still wasn't sure if it added up. "There's thee and me Gemma, that's two. Kit, tha mother, and Nit takes up to five. Carys and Lilo comes to seven."
"It's Llio, not Lilo. It sounds like Clio."
"Aye, appen tha's reet. But it still adds up to seven."
"Come here Llio," said Bernie. She picked up the little girl, and tucked her inside her poncho. "Now remember darling, don't say a word until Tracy says smile, then jump out and pose like a princess."
Kit, Nit, Gemma, Ches, Carys, and Bernie made their way to Preston's Petals. All six trooped in and were greeted by Mary.
"What a gorgeous family you are, so cute and lovely and such beautiful children. They remind me of my childhood, though I was an only child. But I was in a lot of family portraits cause I hired myself out as a portrait-filler for families who wished they had a child. Even now I'm gathering dust on top or sideboards and pianos up and down the country. I did stand-in shoots as well and once I stood in for Princess Di. I must've been good because Charles didn't even notice the difference. It led to some embarrassing moments that night but I've signed the official secrets act so don't ask me to give you any more information. No, no now stop asking. Please follow me through to the studio."
Tracy was in the studio waiting for the family to come through.
"Hello. I'm Gemma Winter-Brown, this is my husband Chesney, mother, my brother Kit and his twin Nit, and my little girl. We are a happy family of only six people, as required by the rules in the competition which I won."
"Ok - Kit, you're in the middle. Nit, stand in front of Kit. Chester and Germa, stand either sit of Nit. Old grandmother in front of Chester and workshop girl in front of Germa. Now be quick I've funeral flowers to do in ten minutes."
The group arranged themselves as instructed. Tracy took out her mobile and said "smile."
On the word 'Smile', Llio peeped out from under Bernie's poncho and Nit became Aled, Bryn and Joseph. Carys, Ches, Gemma and Kit all did their best to smile. Six became nine, and the flash went off.
Tracy decided to let it go. She couldn't be bothered taking another photograph.
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| Brown-Winter Family 2025 |
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