Alternative Coronation Street

 Bernie was chatting to Dev. "I believe in angels and fairies and the miracles of the universe. It's such a fantastic place; I've travelled so much of it on the astral plane and once I travelled through the 5th dimension when the astral air traffic controllers were on strike.   I liked it that much that I named all of my children after bits of it.  Gemini, Apollo and Zodiac." Dev made a noise to indicate that he was listening. He wasn't.  He was looking through paperwork, calculator in one hand, pen between his teeth. Bernie continued to talk. "I have special powers. I can heal, foretell the future, prophesy the past, read minds and make things disappear. But I'm like Cassandra; no one ever believes me." "I think I'll do an offer on mustard cream biscuits to see if we can shift a few.  We've got 60 cases of 200 still to sell.  I'll never buy knock-off label stock again," said Dev looking up from his notebook. "That Whines c...

 I was 44 on the 31st December 1980  People often assume I'm older but I'm just very sensible and mature for my age.  And I'm played by an older actor, Ben Price, who was 53 on my birthday.  I wasn't sure that he was a good fit for the part.  I said is Ben the best person to play me? And the producer replied 'the price is right,' and laughed. So, I've been asked to tell you about me, the Nicholas, NT, the Nickster.  You all probably know that I'm a highly successful businessman, and that everything I touched turns to gold. Gail, my mother, adored me.  I, in turn, allowed her to do so even though it's clear to all that she is well below me in terms of intelligence, class, manners, ability, personality, modesty and entrepreneurship. I often think that I was probably mixed up at birth.  Ryan Gosling was born in late 1980 and I am convinced that he and I were swapped in hospital.  If you look at his handsome face, you can see that he looks like m...

 Eileen felt that she had reached a crossroads on Coronation Street.  "I've had enough of this place," she said.  "I've not done much over the last quarter of  a century but I've been in a lot of storylines. Most of the time I've been a glorified landlady.  I've lost count of the number of waifs and stragglers who've stayed here a while.  I've had men friends too - who hasn't? I'm not a saint. But they've all been doomed to failure," Eileen stopped talking for a few seconds.  "So, will you be able to send a taxi to take me to Lancaster Road?" Eileen swapped the handset to her other hand and ear.  "Yes we can get you a taxi.  But before I take the details let me just finish.  I moved here in 2000 with Todd and Jason, my two sons.  Todd was ruined by that Gail's horrible daughter Sarah Lou.  She turned him gay, I'm sure of it.  Sarah got her grip on my Jason but he saw through her.  Her mother - Gail - is ...

 Fizz was feeling down. A bit stressed.  One thing that she couldn't cope with today was other people. Today it was best just to avoid other people.  She wasn't angry with them - she was just not in a mood where she could tolerate other people's annoyances.   Sadly for her - and perhaps to the dismay of those she met - this was not to be a day where she was able to avoid many people, as her secret diary reveals. Fizzs Secret Dairy Vollume 25 - May 2025 Tyrone It began with Tyrone asking me where his socks was.  Where do you think, I asked him. Upstairs in the sock drawer? He replied back to me. Yes. I replied back to him.  Upstairs in the sock drawer. So why are you looking in the fridge? Jack used to say Vera kept her tights in the fridge.  And I thought maybe you did an all and maybes youd put my socks in there too. It was my own fault.  I didnt need too ask but you cant' help yourself can you.  Why would Vera keep her tights in the fr...

 Preamble To boost ratings, the producer has decided that the action, tension, dialogue and storylines should all be taken up two notches so that viewers are kept in a heightened state of awareness during the broadcasts.  A new American director has been given the chance to direct one episode to see if audience numbers rise. Scene 1: The Rovers Return Jenny screams. Scene 2: Ken's house Ken jumped up out of his chair.  "What was that goddam awful noise Steve?" Steve tried to get out of his seat but struggled a bit until Ken gave him a hand.  Once on his feet, he walked over towards the wall the house shared with the Rovers.  "It was a chilling scream, Ken. And I think it came from the Rovers." Scene 3: The Kabin Brian was filling the liquorice all-sorts jar.  He liked to do this by hand as it allowed him to put all the sweets that people liked around the edges of the jar, and the ones people disliked in the middle.  This way when customers saw his swee...

 Izzy, Kirk and Brian decided to hire a boat.  They were on the beach at Blackpool, enjoying a picnic when Izzy took a notion to go sailing. "I can drive a boat," said Kirk.  "I know all of the words to Sailing  by Rod Stewart." "That doesn't qualify you to sail a boat," replied Brian.  "But I was a school teacher in front of a class of 30-odd teenagers so I know best how to cope with the highs and lows of a rough journey." "I can operate a sewing machine," chirped in Izzy. "But that's not relevant either.  Let's just do it.  It's not as if there's a dreadful storm brewing which is going to drag us thousands of miles away, and wreck us on a deserted island.  Let's do this!" The adventurous threesome set sail. Twelve hours later... "What happened?" asked Kirk. "There was a dreadful storm and we were dragged thousands of miles and wrecked on a deserted island," explain Brian. "Aye...