Alternative Coronation Street

Scene 1: The Rovers.  Daisy: What can I get you Daniel? Daniel: I love you Daisy. Pint of.... Since the moment Bethany left, I've deeply madly loved you.... bitter please. Daisy: I need time... £3.50 please... and space Daniel. Daniel: Thanks Daisy. No one pours a pint like you.  Even Bethany when she was here, she couldn't make a cup of tea half as nice as the way your pour a pint. Jennie: (Quietly to Daniel so that Daisy can't hear) You'll be a grand dad Daniel. Daniel: I'm going to be a granddad? Are you saying that Bertie is the father? Jennie: No, keep your voice down Daniel.  I mean that you will be a great dad - a lovely dad.  And that's me saying that without you even offering to buy Carla off. Scene 2: Julie inside Eileen's house Todd: Julie! How did you get in? Julie: Key was under doormat. Todd: Sit down. Me mam'll be here soon. She'll be so pleased to see you. Julie: I can't. I have an awful secret. (The door bursts open. It is Kit.) ...

Scene 1 Business was quiet at Roy's and he knew that he needed to be a bit more adventurous to improve sales.  He decided that a menu revamp would be a good idea, the last new menu change having been the big story celebrating the 50th year of Corrie during the live episode on 9th December 2010. Roy's mind thought back to that episode...... December 9th 2010. Roy's rolls. Roy is closing up for the night.  There is one hot pie left in the pie cabinet.  It had been there since 9am being kept hot all day. Ken Barlow comes in. Ken: Hi Roy. Roy: I'm just closing Ken. Is there anything I can do for you before I lock up? Ken: I'm feeling hungry. Deirdre's making her aubergine flan for tea, and I'm not really in the mood.  I'll take that pie please Roy. Roy (placing the pie in a paper bag): that'll be 75 pence please Ken. Ken hands over a pound coin. "Take 5p as a tip and just give me back the 20," he said generously. Scene 2 (We are still inside Ro...

 Part 1 Rob was in agony.  He'd donated a kidney to Carla, his sister, as part of an escape attempt and his wound was far from healed.  He tricked his guard, clobbered him over the head, swapped clothes and chained the guard to the bed.  He then walked freely from the hospital. His lover meanwhile kidnapped Carla at gunpoint and took her to some abandoned building.  Mandy pointed the gun at Carla.  "I love him so much. We're going to run away together.  We're going to go to a distant land and life together for the rest of our lives." Carla, in pain and recovering from a transplant a few days earlier, was suddenly fully compos mentis.  "You'll never get away with it.  He pushed his last girlfriend over a railing." Mandy changed her tune. "Oh, I didn't know that.  I'll leave then, me and the baby." "You're pregnant?" "Yes, but Rob doesn't know yet." Rob arrived just in time to hear his name. "What don...

"I want to.... handmyselfin," said Max to Kit the cop. Max was standing in Weatherfield Police Station, wearing a yellow sou'wester hat and an anorak. He had been in hiding for the past few days but now he'd decided to give himself up. "I did it. Not David or Leanne or Abi.  It was...." He paused. "Me." "I'd heard David arguing with Shona about money, and I realised that the only.... way to get some money was to burn down the house....,  and then to claimontheinsurance." Kit ushered Max into the interview room, and both men sat down.  The duty solicitor was still in the seat from when the producers had shot the last scene.  Max hired him immediately.  The Duty Solicitor whispered in Max's ear.  "I'm really just an extra and not an actor so I'm not allowed to speak. It's part of the cutbacks on Corrie. I'll raise an eyebrow if I think you need to slow down a bit." Max nodded.  Even in the short time he...

Eileen was wearing one of Gail's cast-off tops and one of Liz's mini-skirts (one that she left behind when she'd left Coronation Street). Eileen was trying to emulate Coronation Street's two most alluring and glamorous women so that she too could feel sexy.  Depending on the observer's proximity, desperation and level of drunkenness, she was either stunning, hot, motherly, not bad, scary, ghastly or a man in drag. David Platt entered the Rovers. He'd fallen out with Shona again and was feeling lonely.  There, at the bar, was the most stunning women he'd seen ever since that time when as a teenager he had accidentally peeped through Vera's curtains. He approached the bar, and ordered a drink. Now that he was closer, she moved from the stunning to the drag end of the scale quickly. "You new around here mate?" asked David. "Go away and leave me alone. I'm out of your league," replied Eileen. "You're not my thing mate. I mean...

 Even in June, Tyrone felt the cold when he rode the road to the red rec on his reliable Triumph motorbike. He'd read once that some men wore their wives' tights to keep warm, and so he mentioned this to Alina.  She was thrilled, and so the pair went tight shopping together.  They got matching tights from Dev's Store (two pairs for £3) and tried them on.  They were a great fit, and Tyrone felt that they looked much better on him than they did on her.  Nonetheless, they did look stunning on Alina too.  Tyrone kept them his on and pulled his tight leather trousers up over them.  At the garage, he bumped into Steve, Wetherfield's answer to Tom Hiddleston. "Nice wheels Tyrone," said Steve.  "Course I stick to my pushbike.   I've got to keep in shape for Tracey." "I like the thrill of the ride, and Alina loves it. The air blowing through her hair as we fly along the country lanes." "Aye, well you enjoy your mid-life crisis mate," s...

 Sean decided that Double Granny was not working out.  It was hard enough pimping out one granny at a time but to pimp out two was like trying to sell two caps to a one-headed man.  No, that was it. Double Granny had to go. He told Rita first.  As one of his first assets he felt that he should.  He also told Gail, Audrey and Evelyn, his other assets, who were of course people lower down the Double Granny Road to Riches scheme.  Audrey was disappointed, as she quite enjoyed the job.  Evelyn was annoyed as usual, especially as she'd been saving up to buy a camel. Sean gathered all of his recruits and down-stream agents together for a meeting.  These were the people who bought supplies from Sean (leaflets, business-cards, oils, accoutrements, clothing, doggy-bags, wool, bingo-dabbers and more, all embossed with the Double Granny logo in gold lettering, and sold on at vastly inflated prices).  Sean bought supplies from his up stream supplier who ...